Every two years, some Americans get profoundly politically involved, while the rest pretend to care because, well, you’re kinda supposed to. The same is true around the world, with politics boring the crap clean out of everybody. Still, you’ve got to market your candidate and try to whip up SOME excitement, and that means slogans.
And some of them mean failure! Here are twenty of the worst, from across history and around the world.
#20) “Are You Thinking What We Are Thinking?”
From Britain’s own version of Republicans, the Tories, comes this slogan. We guess “Do You Hear What I Hear?” seemed a little crazy. Guess what? Nobody was, in fact, thinking what they were thinking, and they lost.
Courtesy of an Indonesian Presidential election. Other slogans included “Insert Coin!” and “Player 1 Start!”
#18) Don’t Stop, Keep Going On!
Courtesy of the Justice and Development Part in Turkey. Apparently, they came up with their slogans while also giving a friend directions to the party headquarters, and something got confused.
#17) Got Guv?
So, you’re Jim Oberweis. The only notable thing about you is that you own a dairy, a problem when you’re running for the governor of a state, namely Illinois. What do you do? A stupid pun! Brilliant!
#16) He’s Good Enough For Me!
This one is from the British from 1905. You know, we understand that elections are boring, but that’s really all the enthusiasm you can summon?
#15) Me Ne Frego!
This one comes from Benito Mussolini and his fascists. Sounds threatening? It means “I don’t give a damn!” You know voter apathy is a problem when even totalitarian dictatorships have trouble getting people excited.
#14) We Polked You in ’44, We Shall Pierce You in ‘52
A slogan for Franklin Pierce. First of all, puns have no place in slogans. Secondly, puns that imply violent death have even less of a place in slogans. We’re assuming the rape connotations were entirely intentional, too.
#13) Let Well Enough Alone
The slogan for William McKinley. No wonder they shot him.
#12) In Your Heart, You Know He’s Right
Barry Goldwater used this gem, which manages to mix being a douche with being smug about it. Countered with “In Your Guts You Know He’s Nuts”.
#11) Don’t Be a Girly-Man: Vote Republican
Yeah, when you have to resort to implying that your opponents are wussy in order to get votes, it might be time to review your platform.
#10) Vote or Die
Deserves special mention as A) it failed to do anything and B) seemed to imply that if you didn’t vote, Puff Diddy/Fiddle Faddle/whatever the hell would actually come out and shoot you. Which would be effective, if he weren’t the single least intimidating rapper to ever exist. Seriously. Even Kanye seems like a dude that could end you, but we just can’t respect a man who actually called himself “Puffy” at one point.
#9) Immigration Is a Problem. Just Ask an Indian.
This one ranks so highly because at first it seems to have a good point. Immigrants showing up indeed did not end well for the Indians. But, who’s that supporting? Conservatives don’t exactly have a long record of loving Native Americans, and liberals are presumably the people who like immigrants in the first place. Also, there’s a bit of a difference with Pilgrims showing up to claim land from the Native Americans by giving them horrible diseases and shooting them and Mexicans crossing the border to pick fruit for wages we sneer at. So who’s this aimed at?
#8) It’s the Economy, Stupid!
Clinton’s campaign slogan, believe it or not. We mention it because at the time, America was dealing with a serious recession and was vividly aware that it was, in fact, the economy. Sure, this was aimed at George Bush, but still, calling voters stupid seems a counterintuitive way to do things.
#7) England Will Fight To the Last American
This one’s from an anti-interventionist party during WWII. Just to be clear, the problem with this is that England had been fighting the Nazis for, oh, two years or so before we actually got involved. So it seems a bit counter-productive to complain about England loafing around, especially considering they had a vested interest in stopping the Germans from bombing them.
#6) It’s Time
Courtesy of the Australia Labor Party in 1972; they hadn’t been running things for two decades. Even so, they could be a little more specific; what’s it time for? A sandwich?
#5) I’m not a witch, I’m you!
Courtesy of America’s favorite Sarah Palin sidekick, Christine O’Donnell, after there was a tempest in a teapot about how she was like every other woman born since around 1970 and actually dabbled in witchcraft. You know, because being a Wiccan is somehow a big deal in a country that doesn’t even pretend to care about religion anymore.
#4) He Kept Us Out of War!
This was a campaign slogan for Woodrow Wilson in 1916. If you know your history, you might remember why around 1917 this turned out to be a really bad slogan.
#3) Let’s Make It a Landon Slide
You kind of have to feel bad for Alfred Landon. He was up against FDR, one of the most popular Presidents in American history. He had absolutely no chance of winning. The 1936 election brought new meaning to the term “beatdown” with Landon winning only two states. You can kind of feel it in his campaign materials. They might as well have said “Go Ahead, Waste Your Vote”.
#2) I Still Like Ike
Ike’s slogan in 1952? “I Like Ike”. In 1956? This. What, did “I Continue To Like Ike” not test well? OK, so the election was, in fact, just a repeat of 1952, with Eisenhower against Adlai Stevenson, but come on, guys? Not even a LITTLE creativity?
#1) Pour It On ‘Em, Harry!
You know what? We don’t want to hear anything about how “things were more innocent then” or “people didn’t think that way back then.” B.S. they didn’t. Sure, Grandpa’s dirty movies were on film and the Internet hadn’t introduced Rule 34 to your mom yet, but who can read that slogan and not immediately jump to something, anything, gross?
What’s “it”? No, you know what, no. We don’t want to know. We’re letting that sleeping dog slumber forever.