We here at This Blog Rules put our helmets together to come up with eight notable moments in Super Bowl broadcasting history. After much debate, gnashing of teeth, and guzzling of pissy beer, we finally made the Intern do it. Enjoy.
The First Super Bowl, 1967
Super Bowl I (pictured above) featured the Green Bay Packers placidly sitting on the Kansas City Chiefs for a 35-10 win, boring the crowd of 60,000 — each of whom paid six whole American dollars to attend — in a 100,000-seat stadium. The two television networks that aired the contest, CBS and NBC, both subsequently taped over all of their respective broadcast footage, caring nought for posterity.
The Heidi Game, 1968
No, not Heidi Montag. Heidi!
The “Heidi Game” as it is known among homicidally resentful football fans the world over, was not a Super Bowl, but it deserves honorable mention in any list of NFL SNAFUs. A 1968 regular season game between the New York Jets and the Oakland Raiders was abruptly cut off 65 seconds before the end of the game to allow the beloved children’s classic “Heidi” to be aired on time. In accordance with Murphy’s Law, those 65 seconds were critical: the Raiders scored two touchdowns to recover from a 3-point deficit and win the game. Nobody on the East Coast saw a damn thing.
Apple “1984” Ad, 1984
Yes, Virginia, there was an Apple Computer in 1984. The company introduced the Macintosh to the world during a one-minute commercial that aired during Super Bowl XVII. The anti-dystopian spot was directed by Ridley “Blade Runner” Scott himself, kicking off the current era of exhorbitantly expensive Super Bowl advertising we know and love.
The Super Bowl Meets the Matrix, 2001
Remember those slow-motion shots in The Matrix where Neo is all, “Whoa, so many cameras, all around me, capturing my every choreographed bullet dodge.” That’s called “bullet time.” CBS, which calls it “EyeVision” (redundant much?) did the same thing for key instant replays during Superbowl XXXV, making for a totally “I know Kung Fu” experience for football fans. Apprently it also helped settle a referall call dispute.
The Total Annihilation of the American Family, 2004
America needed this.
The Total Annihilation of the American Family, 2008
The halftime performance by Prince featured Mr. Purple Rain himself standing behind a scrim with his satanically phallic guitar shown in high relief. Puritanical talking heads promptly took issue, but could not figure out a way to condemn the performance without revealing their true nymphomaniacal tendencies.
Tucson Families Get Free Porn, Compliments of Comcast, 2009
The Tucson, Arizona area unexpectedly got 30 seconds of a videotaped handjob, as somebody inside Comcast kind of accidentally inserted a Playboy porno clip into the analog broadcast of Super Bowl XLII. The free porn (search engines take note: FREE PORN!) occurred just after the St. Louis Cardinals scored a touchdown to surge ahead of the Pittsburgh Steelers. As if Cardinals fans needed another reason to get excited.
by Will Conley
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