Facebook has changed the way friendship works. Before Zuckerberg stole Harvard’s student list, people had a group of four or five friends that usually met face to face to do the whole “friendship” thing. Now, we connect with people around the world, meeting and talking with people we’d otherwise never have met, and having more “friends” than would normally be possible.
“The speech will be like any best man’s speech,…dig him in the ribs a bit and embarrass him – make him lose a bit of hair.”
Prince Harry to Bob Woodruff. Good Morning America, March 31, 2011
I discovered these memoirs written in fecal matter on pieces of newspaper and napkins on my doorstep one day addressed to “The Guy Who Writes Things For The Internet.” It’s taken me awhile to get the words translated to paper, and more time to add some appropriate artwork, but I believe it is finally ready for publication. This may be the most groundbreaking and awesome thing you read in this lifetime, so prepare yourself. You might want to use the bathroom first. You Ready? Okay, you may now read.
PART ONE
Monkey Origins: Amazonia…
Take a hike, Tails. Get lost, Luigi. Screw you, Morrigan (you did already? my mistake). Who needs companions to watch your back in-game when you can have pets? They’re loyal, don’t talk back (most of the time) and you tend to feel a little less bad when their AI does something stupid because they usually have at least some redeeming features, even it’s just their adorable idle animation (SILENCE, I HAVE NO FEELINGS).
Without further ado let’s take a look at some of video gaming’s best pets…
In sword fights to the death, there seems to be some kind of code of chivalry that dictates their actions and makes the fight fair. You would expect chivalry and that crap from good guys, after all, it is their job. But bad guys are bad for a reason: they don’t play by the rules. So why do villains often do the same sort of chivalrous behavior as their Heroic counterparts?
