by Will Conley
In today’s article, we’ll be posting pictures of Lady Gaga for the cheap Google hits. We’ll also be hating on her because she is beautiful.
- And by “beautiful” we mean “covered in Kermit the Frogs.” Or would that be “Kermits the Frog.” Well, multiple instances of cloned dead Muppets, anyway.
We really do admire Lady Gaga though. If it weren’t for her daring outfits, her act would be just another acceptably catchy bunch of pop songs. Wait, she does do songs, right?
Whatever, bring on the rest of the low blows…
This fabulous Catwoman suit recalls the headier days of Batman's acid tripping years. The really tough-looking dude in the lower right corner knows all of Lady Gaga's fabulous purple moves and claims to have a raging hard-on for her.
In keeping with Lady Gaga's healthy obsession with recreating scenes from Sesame Street, this outfit was inspired by Ernie's "Rubber Ducky" song, for which she changed the lyrics to suit her act: "Rubber duckie, you're the one... You make having an ego the size of a Mack truck so much fun... Rubber duckie I am awfully fond of me... Me me, me me..."
Geordi LaForge's rebellious teenage alien daughter, out for a swim in the subspace pleasure oceans on the third aquamoon of Eroticon 9, was the inspiration for this costume. It is made of the shattered mirrors of a thousand unlucky narcissists.
How does the poem go? "Little Bo Peep lost her pants, her fingers curled like a Bad Romance..." This is what happens when the atoms of Dolly Levi, Marilyn Monroe, Cruella de Vil, a homeless conspiracy theorist and of course Little Bo Peep combine in a Star Trek transporter malfunction.
The Mayan sun goddess was revered as both an earthly governess and a heavenly being. By reading the shadows on her royal headpiece, the Mayans were able to accurately predict the year in which Mel Gibson would get his facts completely wrong in the movie Apocalypto.
Insert Austin Powers or Madonna reference here. The state-of-the-art Explod-A-Titty 5000, shown here exploding, was inspired by fashion designer Osama bin Laden, whose groundbreaking vests have become a household name for thousands of misguided youth around the world.
We're not sure what's wrong with her eyes, but we are sure what's wrong with the rest of the picture: not enough Hello Kitty. Come on, Lady Gaga, step it up.
"Honey, should these drapes go in the ballroom or in the shower stall?" "Just throw 'em on the pop star like we do with the rest of the shit we don't understand." Thus was born this outfit.
Each year, scores of pop stars die of exo-vascular syndrome. It's a serious disease that can turn an award ceremony into fucking Cujo. For the price of a cup of coffee, you can buy this horrifying victim of this disease a glass of vitamin water. Please give.
Disclaimer: We here at This Blog Rules mean Lady Gaga no harm. In fact, we are all secretly in love with Lady Gaga. And cheap Google rankings.
Author Will Conley knows all of Lady Gag’s fabulous purple moves, but he’s totally straight.