by Will Conley
Almost a year ago, we published a list of the ten worst parent fails from MyBadParent.com. In retrospect, how can we claim to say which parenting fails are the worst, when there are so many to choose from?
Why play favorites with the parents who store their toddler in a glorified window planter on one of the higher floors of a high-rise apartment building, when there are so many qualified parents who can play Leaf Blower G-Force Face with the best of them?
It's really not fair to choose and rank these gloriously bad parents, so we're releasing a few more examples of bad parenting, all of which are worthy of honorable mention at the very least.
Any self-respecting bad parent has a crapload of kid leashes for trips on the town, to the McDonald's, or to the zoo. How the hell else are you going to know where the kid is at all times without a leash?
And what if you forget the leash? Oh, sure, you could hold his hand. Right. If you're trying to raise a pansy, that is. I suppose you think the kid should have a hug every once in a while, too.
Stick the bastard between your knees! It's an efficient way to hold your kid when you're trying to snap a picture of your other kid getting his head chewed off by a camel.
Some acts of bad parenting are a bit more subtle than others. Rather than subjecting their children to obviously direct dangers like leaf blower face, knee suffocation, and camel destruction, some parents take an indirect route to wrecking their kids.
Such parents require a keener eye for detail on the part of the bad parenting critics. As experts on the topic, we at This Blog Rules submit for your consideration the following family photo.
The discerning viewer will note the eloquently insane look on the father's face; the subtly drug-suggestive lasers in the background signifying a coke high to end all coke highs; and of course the immaculately maintained mullets, which have been scientifically proven to cause a deadly mixture of business and party. All of these elements combine to form a truly and insidiously bad set of parents indeed.
But humans have a long way to go before they can expect to measure up to, say, the animal kingdom, in terms of complete apparent parental ineptitude. When it comes to subtlety, nothing beats a well-timed elephant dump on baby elephant's head.
Well played, animals. Well played.
For more stellar examples of bad parenting, visit MyBadParent.com.
Will Conley was raised by wolves.