Music can make you feel happy, it can make you feel sad or it can make you feel all romantic. Sadly, when it comes to this list of the worst songs ever written all they will make you want to do is turn off the music and lie down in a darkened, soundproof room for a while.
Color Me Badd—I Wanna Sex You Up
If you grew up at about the same time as me then you will remember this song and the cheesy video only too well. The lyrics are awful and to be honest I never really understood it anyway. Lots of people bought this single but how many of them have hidden it in a secret corner of their house hoping that no one ever finds it?
Baha Men – Who Let the Dogs Out?
Now, this is just utter nonsense. When it comes to the worst songs ever it is hard to beat, though.
Vanilla Ice – Ice Ice Baby
Robert Matthew Van Winkle quickly became a figure of fun after releasing this song. I was astonished to read recently that he is still making “music”. It seems that he is going down a more authentic, less commercial route these days. I think that means that no one listens to him anymore.
The Beatles – Rocky Raccoon
The best band in the world ever? Maybe, but they still wrote some absolute stinkers. This might not even be the worst song by the Fab Four but it is one which immediately sprang to mind. Paul McCartney half talks and half sings in a tortured country voice about a guy called Rocky Raccoon who gets into a gunfight, finds a bible in his hotel room and meets a doctor who is “sminking” of gin. Gripping stuff.
Aqua – Barbie Girl
I am a Barbie girl in the Barbie world. Not you’re not. You’re a squeaky voiced Scandinavian singer in the human world. This is one of the worst songs I have ever heard and if I close my eyes I can still see the video. Which is why I have been sleeping with my eyes open since 1997.
Right Said Fred – I’m Too Sexy
There seems to have been a veritable glut of horrible parody songs when I was growing up. I simply refused to believe that this was a real song and that people actually went out and paid real money for it (we used real money to buy things from real stores in those days). I still do.
Starship – We Built This City
How does one build a city on rock and roll anyway? It doesn’t sound like a particularly good idea really.
Billy Ray Cyrus – Achy Breaky Heart
Good lord. I thought this man had disappeared from my life forever until I saw my nephew watching Hanna blooming Montana one day. It can’t be. It can. It isn’t. It is, you know.
The Cheeky Girls- The Cheeky song
I think I have only heard this song once in my life to this point. That’s once too much, I would hasten to add.
Cher – Believe
Maybe you wouldn’t have this on your list of worst songs ever but I loathed that voice effect thing on it. Apparently it is one of the best selling singles of all time, a fact which has destroyed my faith in music and the world in general.