Michael Jackson and Me: Memoirs of a Badass Monkey

I discovered these memoirs written in fecal matter on pieces of newspaper and napkins on my doorstep one day addressed to “The Guy Who Writes Things For The Internet.” It’s taken me awhile to get the words translated to paper, and more time to add some appropriate artwork, but I believe it is finally ready for publication. This may be the most groundbreaking and awesome thing you read in this lifetime, so prepare yourself. You might want to use the bathroom first. You Ready? Okay, you may now read.

PART ONE
Monkey Origins: Amazonia…
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The Largest Pet Ever – Buffalo Bailey Jr.

I’ve heard about people having lizards, snakes and koalas as pets, but a buffalo? Are you serious? Jim and Linda Sautner from Alberta in Canada owns the largest domestic pet in the world, a 1,600 lbs buffalo named Bailey Jr. They have raised him since he was a baby, and he is still chilling out inside their house where he always wants to cuddle or suck on Jim’s hand, and when Jim goes for a ride, Bailey Jr. loves to join.

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Baby Pandas Escaping

The popularity of Youtube sensation “Sneezing Panda” has led people to notice how awesome baby pandas are. Just look at how expressive their faces are.

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Bubble Eye Goldfish – The funniest fish in the aquarium

Unique is the right word for this fish. Also known as a Suihogan, the “bubble eye” goldfish has upward pointing eyes with two large fluid-filled sacs underneath them. The bubbles are extremely fragile and will pop if a sharp object punctures them; however, they’ll grow back again in the event of their undoing.

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Britain’s Ugliest Dog Has Found Its Luck

Meet Britain’s ugliest dog, Ug. He has been adopted by April Parker and her two teenage daughters who found him in the animal shelter Mayflower where he had been ignored for a long time, probably because most people couldn’t see the beauty in him. Well, April had a different opinion, and now the pooch has a loving home and gracious owners. Ug is a two-year-old pointer cross with one blind eye and buck teeth, likely from inheritance.

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