Good evening TV viewers! Actually, that’s not technically true, since this isn’t airing on TV, even though it’s a beauty pageant, and they’re always on TV and they promised that this would be on TV….I WANT TO BE ON TV!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Sorry about that, I had a moment. I’m Ryan Seacrest, and this is the First, Last, and Only Wives of King Henry VIII, king of England, Ireland, and France Beauty Pageant, sponsored by Coca-Cola and presented by Pepsi.
Our favorite tweet-reading Grandma is back, and this time she’s having some fun reading Odd Future’s tweets. Some highlights:
“Made out with some random bitch. Half of me is like ewww. Herpes, that’s sick. The other half if like, yea! I got bitches.”
Tyler, the Creator, does have a valid point there. There are advantages and disadvantages in many of the situations life throws at us. Tyler truly is a grand poet of our day.
“Gonna go dream about unicorns and freckled girls and the background music is gonna be really pretty chords and I’m gonna be riding a dragon.”
You see, a tweet like that is exactly the reason Tyler must be allowed to create a music video with a $12 million budget. It would be a true A.D.D.-addled masterpiece.
“Her titties are yelling at me like, ahhhhh!”
Probably because the girl assumes she’s about to be raped by you, Tyler? Oh wait, unlike Em and other people he’s been compared to, Tyler doesn’t base his songs on experiences he’s actually had. That’s sobering in many ways.
So this goes guy goes up to the bar, slams his fist down on the counter top and says in a gruff tone “give the strongest shit you got…and make it double!!”. We’ve all seen this scene played out in movies but have you ever thought “the strongest shit you’ve got” is really a very relative statement and would really depend on where in the world “this bar” is located? Every country, state, region or culture has their own favorite “mother of all cures” or most potent alcoholic beverage of choice to drown ones sorrows, bond over, party with, have a meaningless conversation over and then develop a hangover with the next morning. What you get at the local bar or liquor store as the most alcoholic or potent drink poured up for you depends on where you are.
Here are some of the most potent alcoholic beverages of choice around the globe:
I watch a lot of baseball. I mean, A LOT of baseball. Usually when I should be writing, I’ll procrastinate by watching a baseball game. Between pitches, I can ignore the commercials and be alone with my thoughts to think about half-formed ideas or a new comedy sketch.
I spent two years in the trenches as a Resident Assistant, and it’s a crappy job. You’re expected to be the first line of defense against everything from sexual assault to homophobia. You spend hours in a special class, hours on duty, hours talking to your floor, and you have to go to class, too. By the time I was done with my first year, almost everybody I’d started the year with had quit.
Needless to say, it’s the kind of job where even the people who care tend to burn out fast. And some of them just aren’t any good in the first place. Here are five common types you’ll run into.