Funny Door Signs That Don’t Make Sense

Do you remember the good old days when doors where simply things you used to get from one place to another? Who knew then that one day funny door signs would pop up all over the world and leave us all feeling confused?

The Push and Pull Sign

Funny Door Signs

I hate doors that don’t make it clear whether I need to push the blasted thing or pull it. I put this down largely to a nasty experience in my teenage years when my first day in my first ever job turned in a disaster because I couldn’t open the door. This sign could have helped me out and stopped my ears from burning with shame for about a decade afterwards.

The Do Not Enter Sign

Funny Door Signs

There is a strong streak of common sense running through this funny door sign. After all, if the door doesn’t open then very few people would be able to enter through it anyway.

The No Entry or Exit Door Sign

Funny Door Signs

Does anyone know what this door is useful for? I had always kind of naively assumed that for a door to be of some practical use you actually had to walk through it. It could be to exit in one direction or it could be to enter in the other direction but this one is neither.

The Other Door Sign

Funny Door Signs

This funny door sign just makes no sense at all. I guess that the person who typed it out was just trying to be helpful but wouldn’t there have been a better way of doing it? Maybe not.

The Back Door Sign

Funny Door Signs?

In this case I can definitely say that the evil fiend who made this sign was just trying to mess with our minds. How on Earth can the front door be round the back? You could spend all day at this place walking round in circles and trying to work out where you were.

The Not a Door Sign

Funny Door Signs

Things are getting really weird now. I’m not usually one to argue with signs but this one can’t be right, can it? It says that it isn’t a door but it really, really looks like one. Could it be a highly realistic painting of a door or just a plain old portal to a different universe?

The Unlocked Door

Funny Door Signs

There are times when you just have to put your faith in mankind. In this case, our only hope is that any robbers and rapists who casually wander past are really stupid.

The Dr Hedgehog Sign

Funny Door Signs

I can see how this could be annoying. If you went through life with a surname that was only a couple of letters away from being amusing then you would hate when people added those letters. In this case, Dr A Hedgeh has a sign on his door that some rascals just can’t resist added those letters to.

The Closed Door Sign

Funny Door Signs

I had never previously stopped to consider how many evils and dangers a closed door can protect us from. Cold air and water aren’t things I worry about too much but the danger of Daleks or Cybermen entering the local library is a big concern for anyone.

The Window Sign

Funny Door Signs

I can only guess what happened here. Unless I’m very much mistaken a fool left the door open and some Daleks entered. Well, after this the only sensible thing to do was turn it into a window instead. Problem solved.

The Church Signs That Ask Deep and Meaningful Questions

Have you ever walked past a church and been stopped in your tracks by a strange sign asking a deep and meaningful question? Maybe it was one of these.

The Hokey Pokey Sign

Church Signs

I have often spent my idle hours moving my arms and legs and wondering whether the Hokey Pokey is what life is all about. I haven’t really but did I fool you into thinking that I had? The Rev Rod Ferguson appears to have had a rip snorting sermon lined up for this day.

The Moustache Question

Church Signs?

This seems like a really good moment to point out that I have started experimenting with a beard and moustache combo. It looks pretty good, even if I do now scare small children a lot more easily. However, this sign has got me worried that my moustache might not survive the trip to Heaven. What will it be like in Heaven, anyway? Will we all walk around with white clothes on and no hair on our upper lips? Sounds a bit dull, to be honest.

The Obama Sign

Church Signs?

It looks like someone at the Jonesville Church of God has seen a connection here that had escaped us all up until now. Sure, Obama and Osama must be brothers if they have got names that are very similar to each other. I wonder if that means that Ronald McDonald and Donald Sutherland are really brothers as well.

The Sign Sign

Church Signs

So, what would you do if God asked for a sign that you were real? Hey, maybe you could make a sign for him. That ought to work.

The Monkey Sign ?

Church Signs

You’re asking for a whole lot of trouble if you start a debate about evolution with certain people. To be fair, Darwin never suggested that we evolved from monkeys all those years ago but it seems to have been accepted as being true by most people. How on Earth does anyone think we could possibly have evolved from monkeys anyway? Everyone knows that they’re way smarter than us. Personally, I think that monkeys evolved from man and that in about say 20 years we’ll all be swinging about in the trees, eating bananas and stealing things

The Hot Sign

Church Signs?

There’s nothing like the threat of burning for eternity in a blazing furnace in hell to sharpen the mind. I get all hot and uncomfortable when the thermometer hits about 30, so I can’t imagine how hot under the collar I would get if things got even warmer. Hang on though, would I still have my moustache down there and would Satan force me to dance the Hokey Pokey endlessly?

The Holy Water

Church Signs?

This sign gives both a thought provoking question and the answer to it. Who knew that Holy Water was made by boiling the Hell out of the stuff? Actually, did you know that Holy Water can’t be disposed of in the regular way, through the plumbing? You can also find some instructions online for making your own if you are interested. Pro Tip: you’ll need Holy Salt as well for some reason.

The Preacher Hell Sign

Church Signs?

I’m sure that this is an intentionally funny sign. After all, it isn’t listening to the preacher that is going to be hellish, is it?

The Worst Analogies Ever Written

When I read a good analogy I feel a warm glow like when you leave the kettle boiling for too long and the water evaporates and the kettle burns your house down. However, if there’s one thing I like more than a good analogy it is to look at some of the worst analogies ever.

Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever

Extravagant Vocabulary and Worst Analogies

Most of the bad analogies we will look at here are from real student exams. This beauty was written by an unknown poetic genius. I think you’ll agree that we’ll be hearing a lot more from this young star in years to come.

John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met

Humming birds, meeting and the worst analogies

We can thank a student called Russell, from Springfield, for this piece of sparkling prose. It brings to mind the beautiful image of, err, a couple of small birds flapping about madly in different places. Come to think of it, am I the only person to find hummingbirds mildly annoying? They get me all nervous and uptight with all their hyperactive wing flapping and stuff.

The little boat drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn’t

Little Boat, Bowling Ball and Worst Analogies

This is another classy analogy credited as coming from the inspired pen of Russell in Springfield. Who is that analogy creating monster? If you have ever seen a bowling ball not floating across a pond then this stunning analogy will bring the memories flooding back.

I slept like a log

Log, Sleeping and Worst Analogies

This isn’t one that was written by a student but you’ve probably heard it countless times in your life. You might even have used it at some point, you crazy fool. So, if you slept like a log how exactly did you sleep? Like an inanimate piece of timber that doesn’t actually sleep?

The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease

Hailstones, Maggots and Worst Analogies

Gary from Silver Spring brings us the next joyous analogy. I don’t know anything about this guy but it seems safe to suggest that he has some less than wholesome pastimes.

It hurt the way your tongue hurts after you accidentally staple it to the wall

Hurting Tongue, Stapler and Worst Analogies

The best analogies are the ones that transport you to another time and place with their timeless grace and beauty. In this case, the unknown author makes us recall those crazy, hazy days when we carried out popular hobbies such as accidentally stapling our tongues to the wall.

I felt a nameless dread. Well, there probably is a long German name for it, like Geschpooklichkeit or something, but I don’t speak German. Anyway, it’s a dread that nobody knows the name for, like those little square plastic gizmos that close your bread bags. I don’t know the name for those either

Nameless dread, Square Plastic Gizmos to Close Bread Bags and Worst Analogies

This is just sheer poetry and it makes us know exactly what kind of fear the writer felt. I don’t know what the little plastic gizmos are called either.

Like is like a box of chocolates

Life, Box of Chocolates and Worst Analogies

This is, of course, a quote from Forrest Gump and you might argue that it is a metaphor rather than an analogy but I don’t care; I just hate the damned thing. Life is resolutely not like a box of chocolates in any way. It’s more like one of those mystery pizzas you order at midnight when you’re drunk and then in the morning you can’t work out what is even on it. Actually, it’s not like that at all, either.

15 Crappy Product Designs

These are some of the most upvoted submissions on the subreddit ‘Crappy design’. The community did a fine job by selecting some of the most crappy product designs we have ever seen.

1. Crappy designed pan

It’s obvious that no one from the company ever took this beauty for a spin. But as long as it has usage marks, the real question is how did the owner do it? Did he or she just hold it still all along the way?

Crappy Design 15

2. Crappy stair carpet choice

Believe it or not, someone had the brilliant idea to choose this carpet for the stairs. They probably play the Life game on hard just for fun.

Crappy Design 14

3. Crappy poster design

Probably the person who designed this poster did not have the chance to enjoy the Erasmus ‘life-changing experience’. If you want to avoid becoming this person, apply for an Erasmus scholarship ASAP!

Crappy DEsign 13

4. Crappy bus advertisment

We constantly complain about how this generation has lost interest in school. If we don’t clarify the message, they’ll just end up doing silly stuff, like quitting school.

Crappy Design 12

5. Crappy direction sign

So you just had an accident and your friend drove you to the hospital. Now let’s do the game of guessing – where should you go to reach room 113, to the right or to the left? Sure you have plenty of time to think about it, there’s no emergency.

Crappy design 11

6. Crappy drain design

We heard about the mythical drain that actually collects water. But no one has ever seen one. We gave up searching for it long time ago.

Crappy design 10

7. Crappy banner design

Protesting is serious stuff. People usually take to the streets their strongest messages. The most efficient way to transmit a message is to think about the core idea and send it out straight away, without any trace of doubt.

Crappy Design 9

8. Crappy window design.

Allegedly, a company decided to renovate its offices and someone got stuck with this lovely room. Maybe natural light does not help you increase your productivity. Who knows where the renovators got the brilliant idea.

Crappy design 8

9. Crappy flyer design

If you look really careful, you can see they advertise a workshop on migration related legal issues. But what is the message and why would I be interested. Maybe they want us to be so enraged that we would attend it just to bash them for the crappy flyer.

Crappy Design 7

10. Crappy pie chart design

We said pie chart, but this example hardly qualifies as one. In fact, we wonder if the person who designed it actually went to high-school. Or is there some kind of sorcery happening at their school like playing with the time machine?

Crappy Design 6

11. Crappy vending machine design

The company who designed this knows far too well that vending machines are the first choice when you want an exquisite slow meal. You need to take your time to assess the rich menu and combine your main course with an adequate side dish. Actually, the legend is that someone starved to death next to this machine while trying to select a simple chocolate bar.

Crappy design 5

12. Crappy yoghourt bottle design

To be fair, this is not crappy design. It does the job well, the bottle has the classical shape and it’s easy to grab. But my gods, how misleading this is! Or maybe this yoghourt does an excellent job as a window cleaner too. Give it a try and let us know!

Crappy Design 4

13. Crappy gun design

Actually, it is kind of difficult to find another position for the pressure gauge on an air-gun. Even if owners of air-guns should know how much pressure they need and always check it when the gun is not loaded, we can’t stop stop thinking that some are careless enough to point the gun to their heads.

Crappy Design 3

14. Crappy poster design

People argue that we are not dealing with a crappy design here so much as with brutal sincerity.

Crappy design 2

15. Crappy business sign design

This thing is wrong an every level. Like any other idea would have been better. It is the most upvoted worst design on the subreddit.

Crappy Design 1

 

 

The Absolute Worst Reality Shows Ever

If there is one thing guaranteed to make me lose my faith in mankind it is switching on the TV and stumbling across one of the worst reality shows ever made. The bad news is that there are so many of these abominations around that avoiding them completely is almost impossible.

Keeping Up with the Kardashians

Worst Reality Shows and Keeping Up with the Kardashians

When 22nd century historians look back on how it all went wrong for the human race the surname Kardashian will be high on their list of answers. Seriously, why are these ridiculously vacuous people even remotely near my TV screen? As far as I can tell, the only talent any of them possess is the uncanny ability to be completely self obsessed and never do anything even vaguely interesting. I expect the show to continue to be a success for a long time.

Geordie Shore

Worst Reality Shows and Geordie Shore

Where I live now I don’t get to see many shows in English. Even the flaming Simpsons get dubbed into Spanish, making Homer sound like a Mexican version of, well, Homer Simpson. Then I turned on the TV and heard some warm Newcastle accents flooding out of the set. Ah, I thought, finally I can settle down to some classy British culture and remind myself why we once possessed the greatest empire in the world due to our inbuilt class, dignity and intelligence. Err, maybe not.

Here Comes Honey Boo Boo

Worst Reality Shows and Here Comes Honey Boo Boo

Since we have dipped our trembling toes in the warming waters of dubbed television shows, I might as well mention this disaster. I have to admit that I have only ever seen this show in Spanish, so I have no idea what lovely voices the cast members have. However, I do know that the dubbed voices are the most ridiculously over the top Spanish hillbilly accents ever to exist. The show seems to consist entirely of 1) people eating stuff 2) people making rude noises 3) the end.

The Bachelor

Worst Reality Shows and The Bachelor

So, there’s like this single guy that is, you know, completely drop dead gorgeous. Then there’s this bunch of women who aren’t at all desperate to find a man in any way possible, no matter how pathetic and inappropriate it may be. Thankfully, the contestants on this show know full well that they are all hopelessly shallow husks of human beings, so they don’t look for sparkling conversation or witty insights from their potential life partners. Which is just as well, really.

Bridalplasty

Worst Reality Shows

If you are due to get married soon then I’m sure you have already compiled an exhaustive list of your partner’s horrendous defects that could only be sorted by numerous visits to a top plastic surgeon. Hey, why not get her onto this classy show? It is one of the worst reality shows because new brides undergo plastic surgery to make their wedding perfect. Because a wedding with a wonky nose just isn’t natural.

Ex on the Beach

Worst Reality Shows

Is it just my imagination or is the world becoming a vainer, shallower place with every passing day? I don’t know; maybe I will just sit down in front of the TV and watch some of this deep and meaningful show in order to restore my faith in the modern world. Glamorous and beautiful people go to a beach paradise looking for love only to find that their glamorous and beautiful exes turn up there as well. Brilliant.