The Most Pointless How-To Guides on the Internet

Is the internet making you stupid? Sure, there are some brilliant pieces of entertainment to be found online but there are also some incredibly silly things such as these pointless how-to guides. If you need help doing any of these activities then the world is in a pretty sorry state.

How to Take a Shower

The Most Pointless How-To Guides on the Internet

Have you always struggled with the logistics of taking a shower? Sure, you might understand the basic concept but how does the water get from the pipes onto your skin and stuff? If you have ever wondered how to take the perfect shower then the Internet is here to help you. Strangely, the wikihow instructions on it include as many as 20 steps, with Undress and Wash Your Body among the most riveting highlights.

How to Get Ready for a Night Out

The Most Pointless How-To Guides on the Internet

We’re onto really tricky stuff now. Even if Undressing and Washing Your Body isn’t too much of a challenge for you, how can anyone expect you to get ready for a night out on your own in the 21st century? There are some stunningly pointless how-to guides on this subject, which cover crucial issues such as putting on your make up and fixing your hair. Interestingly, our old friend Take a Shower is there, so you get to enjoy 2 how-to guides for price of one.

How to Hammer a Nail into Something

The Most Pointless How-To Guides on the Internet

If you’d like, you can even watch an interesting YouTube video on this subject. It is a great watch. Most of the online how-to guides on this subject wisely point out that you need to hold the end of the wooden handle type of thing on the hammer rather than the head. Is it also worth pointing out that the thin, sharp part of the nail goes into the wall instead of the round, flat bit?

How to Stop Reading Stupid Articles

The Most Pointless How-To Guides on the Internet

The fact that you have got this far into this great article proves that you have got a degree of taste and, hey, intelligence. However, in the modern world this isn’t always enough, is it? There are probably times when even someone as cool as you ends up reading stupid articles. You might start off reading something useful but after clicking on one hyperlink too many you could end up struggling through a blog post about Justin Bieber’s latest piece of belly button fluff or how Kim Kardashian wore a new skirt yesterday that made her rear end look fractionally smaller or bigger than it looked yesterday. The good news is that wikihow has a guide to avoiding stupid articles.

How to Butter Bread

The Most Pointless How-To Guides on the Internet

Have you ever had a regrettable bread buttering incident ruin your breakfast? I guess this could happen but the only sensible piece of advice I could give on the subject is to not use frozen butter. Of course, that’s why no one lets me write pointless how-to articles. Other people have managed to wring a lot more mileage out of this seemingly banal subject. Again, there is a pretty classy YouTube video if you would like to see someone actually buttering the bread in front of your eyes as proof it can really be done. The wikihow article on the matter is a bit of cop out though, as the pictures clearly show a piece of toasted bread being buttered, which we all know is easier to do than buttering non-toasted bread.

Famous Femme Fatale Figures that Could Charm the Life Out of You

Even if the media insists on portraying women, sometimes, as naïve and vulnerable creatures who need all the help they can get, popular lore and culture also occasionally depicts women as devious and dangerous. There are many ways in which women can be dangerous and deadly: either by being downright skilled in battle and badass, or through more subtle means pertaining to seduction. A femme fatale is a woman you can’t resist, that uses her charm and feminine allure to obtain her often hidden purpose. Although typically conceived as a villain, a femme fatale may be a victim herself, or may try to help others or the greater good through her questionable methods. So while calling femme fatale figures evil may be an overstatement, morally ambiguous would be a more appropriate label. If the femme fatale archetype would be a computer game character, it would display a chaotic neutral alignment, let’s say.

Ever since Delilah, the biblical femme fatale that continued to inspire people to this day (if Tom Jones is to be given credit for trying), the figure of this somewhat ruthless seductress is still a fascinating topic for a whole array of narratives. Here are a few of the most famous femme fatale figures that history and fiction have to offer.

1. Mata Hari

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She is possibly the best known femme fatale figure that was also a real historical person and her story was so scandalous and well-known to the masses in the WWII period that it would just be improper not to start this short list with her. Mata Hari (born Margaretha Geertruida Zeele) was a Dutch educated woman who moved to the Dutch East Indies after getting married young (as was the custom). There, disappointed in her abusive husband, she found solace in studying the Indonesian and Malay language and arts. After a while, she moved to Paris and became an exotic dancer under the stage name of Mata Hari (which means “sun” in Malay). She is considered to be one of the first modern dance artists and the first one to attempt her kind of oriental-inspired moves and costumes, and with such a high degree of skin exposure. In other words, the woman was scandalous. The scandal grew even bigger when, during the WWWII, she was arrested and executed by the French troops for being a secret agent and spy for the German forces. The truth of the accusation remains unknown, but the tale contributed to her femme fatale aura and lit up the imagination of the public to this day.

2. Delilah

What would a list of famous femme fatale figures be without the original one, Delilah? Delilah, unlike many of the Bible’s characters, wasn’t yet proven to be based on any historical person and therefore passes as completely fictional. Her very name means “[she who] weakened” and her story is told as a warning to men not to fall prey to devastating charms, or else look what might happen. The infamous deed that put the “fatal” in the femme fatale in this case is the fact that she betrayed Samson, the powerful man who loved her, and cut his hair thus magically removing all of his strength.

3. The Siren

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Another popular theme that continues to be prominent in popular culture today is the siren. Everyone’s familiar to the beautiful sea maids with a lower fish body that sing sailors to their deaths, but not many know that folklore sometimes meets historical rumors with surprising creativity. For example, the whole branch of Luxembourgish royalty claimed, in old times, to have Melusina, a powerful river mermaid, as their ancestor. Together with her husband, Count Siegfried, they founded the city of Luxembourg’s castle and court. If her supernatural origin were to be true, that would make her the ancestor of not only Luxembourg, but of most other branches of European royal families as well, including the ruling British Queen Elisabeth. Puts a nice perspective on Prince Harry’s fascinating charms, doesn’t it?

4. Morgan le Fay

This time, we’re exploring Irish and Welsh mythology. Although Morgan le Fay is mainly known as King Arthur’s evil half-sister and sorceress, in Irish lore she is called Morrigaine and she’s something between a banshee and the leader of the (mostly good) fairies.

5. Eve

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No list of famous femme fatale figures could be complete without the lovely temptress who doomed and bore us all: Eve and her lovely red apple. The scene of Adam’s seduction has been the subject of numerous paintings and literary pieces and continues to fascinate to this day.

The Worst Fancy Dress Outfits Ever Worn

Have you ever gone to a fancy dress party in an outfit you weren’t entirely convinced to wear? Don’t worry. You couldn’t have looked anywhere near as bad as the people wearing the worst fancy dress outfits ever.

The Bad Simpsons Outfit

The Worst Fancy Dress Outfits Ever Worn

Good Lord, what have these people done to themselves? They have obviously taken a lot of time over their Simpsons outfits and put a lot of thought into them. However, they just look awful.

The Sponge Bob Jellyfish Character Outfit

The Worst Fancy Dress Outfits

This is a character from Sponge Bob who I think is a jellyfish. So how would you dress yourself up to look like a cartoon jellyfish? Err; you wouldn’t just put traffic cones on various parts of your body, would you?

The Weird Robocop Costume

The Worst Fancy Dress Outfits Ever Worn

Ah, back in the innocent days of 1987, Robocop offered us a scary glimpse into the cold, hard future. Personally, I was terrified that unhinged law enforcement androids would one day blow me away like a common perp. Thankfully, the bad fancy dress outfit we can see here is unlikely to give nightmares to anyone other than the person who wonders where all their oven trays have gone.

The Royal Wedding Costume

Worst Fancy Dress Outfits It is traditional for many runners in the London Marathon to wear some sort of strange fancy dress costume. The royal wedding was a bit of a theme this year but this one is just awful. I can’t imagine what it must be like to run 26 miles with a weird Kate dummy hanging off you and a frankly bizarre William mask on.

The Banana Outfit

The Worst Fancy Dress Outfits

So, you want to go down a storm at the office party, do you? Here’s a great way to get your bosses to notice you and think, “Now there’s a young man with taste, discretion and a sharp sense of humour.” Actually, correct me if I’m wrong here but few careers have been built on the back of dressing up as a vaguely obscene banana. Strange fruit costumes in general are best avoided.

The Ku Klux Klan Kostume

The Worst Fancy Dress Outfits Ever Worn

A mother really thought that it was a decent idea to send her kid out dressed up as a Ku Klux Klan member. To be honest, sticking a few traffic cones on him and making him look vaguely like a cartoon jellyfish would probably have been a better idea.

The Mental Patient Costume

The Worst Fancy Dress Outfits

Someone at the UK supermarket chain called Asda thought that it would be a smart move to sell a mental patient fancy dress costume. It seems that they genuinely didn’t expect people to be upset or offended by this. In the end, the public outcry meant that they had to stop selling it.

The Pingu Fancy Dress Outfit

Worst Fancy Dress OutfitsI used to love Pingu as a kid. Actually, there’s not much point in trying to fool you. I hated the weird little dude with the big flippers and the annoying lifestyle. However, if I could find a decent Pingu outfit then maybe I would like to dress up as him at some point. Hmm, it’s not going to be this outfit though, is it? It’s just utterly foolish and for me the icing in the cake is the bottle of detergent he seems to have strapped to his foot as a flipper.

5 Ideas for Crazy Pajamas

Pajamas are most of the time associated with bland comfortable clothing, as opposed to the more interesting day wear or the seductive but not quite so cozy category of night wear. Well, not anymore. We’ve comprised a small collection of stuff that some creative pajama designers thought of and all of them are really the opposite of bland. If you want to turn all the heads at some PJ party you might attend (and why not even organize your own since your PJs will get such an upgrade), here are some wonderful ideas on how to get your freak on or simply sleep in style. All this while not actually breaking the concept of pajamas per se, thus keeping all the lazy comfort this attire is supposed to pack.

1. Skeleton Candy Pajamas.

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This really cool pajama allows you to look like a skeleton, as opposed to most skeleton pajamas you may find that are just printed with little skeletons or skulls all over the place, thus disabling this cool skeleton-yourself effect. The background color is obviously black and maybe in the darkness of night you can actually look like a little bony lass for real. But what is also interesting about this set of crazy pajamas is the sugar candy detail that takes away a bit of the original idea’s gore (and not in a way that kills it). The only cooler thing that can be imagined in terms of skeleton pajamas are a pair that would also glow in the dark: such a thing exists, but it only comes in children’s sizes. Darn.

You can find the skeleton pajamas here when they have it in stock.

2. Dynamic duo Batman and Robin (babies only)

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Since the subject of pajamas for kids just came up, do you happen to know any friend who might be expecting twins? Not great odds, yes, but if you happen to know anyone, there aren’t many gifts you could bring to their baby shower that can top this one. Especially if the expecting parent(s) are superhero fans. And the babies can just switch the pajamas every now and then, so no one is stuck with the sidekick label.

This pajama set / beanie with mantle set is available from Etsy.

3. Sexy redneck pajamas

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Well, actually these are She-Hulk pajamas, part of a larger collection of superhero-themed pajamas for geeky girls. But you have to admit these really look like a smoking body (you can now feel superhot even while having a lazy day around the house in a pair of comfort PJs), and combined with the busted halter-top that looks like something a great-grandpa would wear… well, you know what we mean. It looks like a sexy redneck (ok, a green redneck). One could even go as far as to call that top a man-beater, as the female counterpart of a wife-beater shirt. Just lovely. And the shape is quite flattering.

You can find this at Spencer’s Gifts.

4. Man’s PJs for sleeping Like-a-Boss

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Men, don’t feel neglected, here’s a pair of crazy pajamas for you too: it has all the comfort and laziness of regular night wear, but you go to sleep in style. Like a boss. For the win.

You can find a variety of these on SuitJamas.

5. Scuba diving PJs

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The main thing you can accomplish with this set of crazy pajamas is that even though you’re tired or lazy or anti-social and you turn down every opportunity to get out of the house, by wearing these you will feel like you’re off on an adventure. An underwater adventure not for the faint of heart, to be more precise.

Unfortunately, this set isn’t available right now, but they had it at Gap, as part of their Old Navy Collection. But stay on your heels, you may find it again sometime.

Well, this was our list of ideas for crazy pajamas. We hoped you enjoyed and that you already thought of fun things to do while wearing an out-of-the ordinary set of PJs.

Funniest Depictions of Hitler in Popular Culture

Since a few days ago was Hitler’s birthday (on April the 20th, to be more precise), the internet exploded again with funny Hitler memes and jokes. It may seem like a disrespectful way of treating a deceased person (in spite of the very harmful system he created and the billions he made to suffer), but it’s not necessarily so, if you see the matter from a different angle. Most of the memes and funny pictures that circulate nowadays with Hitler as the main character aren’t really depicting his historical self, the actual person named Adolf Hitler, but more like a cartoonish version of himself, a version that is ubiquitous in popular culture and that is almost a synonym to a funny character. The comic effect is gained in relation to what this character represents: a frustrated little man with grandeur delusions (which is, actually, based, up to some point, on Hitler’s historic self). A piece signed by Vice has even deemed him to be the biggest pop star of them all.

Good, so now that we’ve settled that Hitler has become a cartoon-like character in movies and internet memes and so on and mocking him isn’t necessarily morally ambiguous, let’s proceed to see what the funniest depictions of Hitler in popular culture are.

1. Downfall (2004) parodies

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The movie released in 2004 sparked the continued rise of countless parodies, all using a certain scene where Hitler seems to be extremely upset. The memes are usually called “Hitler reacts to…” or “Hitler finds out…” and it’s always about something from our current time. Say, something like “Hitler finds out about the Oscar nomination results” or whatever. The smaller the subject, the better; it’s usually trivial news and gossip of some sort. If you want to have a really good laugh, search for “Hitler meets the Trololol guy”, but beware, it can’t be unseen.

2. The Hitler Google suggestions

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It doesn’t even matter anymore if these suggestions actually appear when people google Hitler or not. What matters is that the completely wtf google suggestions have been a source of many memes and internet jokes over the past 3-4 years and are still popular. Let’s face it, there’s nothing worse than preparing to enjoy your Nutella on some warm pancakes or something only to discover that Hitler stole your jar again.

3. The Adolf Hipster

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Because few things are funnier than mix-ups and managing to make fun of more themes at the same time. Not that hipsterdom is something to be made fun of, mind you. Behold a few Adolf Hipster memes and when you get the chance, maybe browse the Adolf Hipster webcomic. It includes other notable characters, such as Broseph Stalin.

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4. Hitler commercials

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Commercials for products of our contemporary age making use of historical footage of Hitler seem to be all the rage these days. The example above, picturing the Axe effect, not only manages to make fun of Hitler or of the product and the silly way it’s generally marketed, but also of the social appeal and mystique that surrounded Hitler in his rise to prominence.

To wrap it up, you now probably have lots of funny material, since all of the points presented above aren’t a single joke, but more like a whole category of memes constantly updated with new rich content. All in all, there’s a plethora of appearances of Hitler in popular culture, beyond just the funny stuff, but somehow the humorous part steals all the glam.

Some have argued that this trend trivializes the evil of the Nazi regime or makes it too banal, but I think a good dose of laughter can always help the world know some truths better without necessarily taking them out of perspective.

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