4 Peoples’ Job Applications that Won’t Get You Hired. Or Will They?

There is no news that getting hired for the first time in your early career journey or switch the company for a better, more secure job is not an easy feat these days. Actually, it seems so hard to accomplish, that some people seem to have erased everything they knew, heard, learned or accidentally discovered on the Internet related to recruiting, how – to guides and long lists of do’s and don’ts that HR managers repeated over the years to the point of making themselves sick. Some people, against all odds, seem to live in a parallel world of human job recruitment and over the years, the funniest job applications circled the Internet for the amusement and amazement of all the others who are still lacked of imagination enough to write textbook applications.

If you want to step away of the conformist heard and join the crazy bunch, we started to surf the net for a while and came up with 4 peoples’ job applications that won’t get you hired, but turn you into an Internet star. And in some circumstances, this might sound even better than a job in an ABC store. However, since you can’t believe everything that dwells the web, you can also assume some of them are hoaxes, fakes or just media pranks.

1. Seize the opportunity!

CV1

This is not truly a fresh one but it turned out viral in social networks lately, proving to all managers worldwide that when somebody wants a job so badly, there is nothing to stand against them and his future place in the company. This one should be hired just for being motivated, ingenious, persistent, prone to research and able to correct his mistakes, determinate and passionate. Ideal candidate profile! Check the textbook and see if it’s not true! So don’t just optimize your online profile and wait for recruiters to look for you, hunt down that job and nail it!

2. When nothing else works, use your imagination

CV2

So this is a cover letter sent by a person looking for a job in…radio…? It is unclear though, as you go deeper and deeper into his or her hallucination, it’s hard to understand if he or she applies for a sexy chat service or a radio station. Either way, if you want your job application to become viral, all you need to do is talk about your precognitive skills and the projection of your inner animal, preferably an interesting and nonexistent one, like a unicorn or cockatrice or manticore for that matter.

3. Be honest. Or at least kinda

CV3

Now if this is for real… Hat down to the desperate graduate who just turned his / her family’s thousands of dollars spent on his / her education into a complete waste of time. But let’s face it, honesty is the most valuable trait a manager is looking into the employees and this one here just scored First Prize. He / she is awesome, obviously, and not afraid to show it, understands that at some point, the family’s efforts, time and wisely spent money have to be repaid in a royally manner and everything the employer must do to validate this young graduate’s life and hopes for a better future is to offer him / her a job. And he / she is kinda sincere so what else can you ask?

4. Make them cry in joy for getting to receive a job application from you!

CV4

Now this guy managed three things with his cover letter: make you laugh, break your heart and get you curious about him. This is a winner combination most graduates won’t nail not even after a thousand “by the book” job applications.  Sources back in the day were asking themselves if this guy isn’t just the biggest troll that ever blessed the recruitment world, or if he is this genuinely naive, sincere and open – hearted. Tough one to break, but for virality purposes, you can try pull a similar job too.  But this guy? This guy is Divinity’s gift to HR specialists.

For hiring purposes, honesty is perfect and getting the future boss curious enough to call you in for an interview is even better. Some peoples’ job applications that won’t get you hired, but turn you into an Internet star are as funny as can be, still, some old school strategies might be more helpful.

The Very Best Photobombs You Ever Saw

The recent trend for photobombs to appear on the internet is one of the finest advances of the 21st century. Sure, modern medicine is pretty cool and technology is sort of advancing along the right lines. However, nothing can beat someone’s snap being ruined (or enhanced) by another person popping up unexpectedly.

The Celebrity Photobomb

The Celebrity Photobomb

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Say My Name! 5 Children Who Are Going to Hate Their Life When They Grow Up

Every year, some very curious people start making surveys to measure up people’s imagination, sick sense of humor, passive – aggressive tendencies and  their well dissimulated desire of taking revenge with the world. No, it’s not about psychological testing en masse, although it would not be such a bad idea, but the annual “How did you named your new-born this year” research. This has been going on for a while and besides the names that sound pretty normal and even mainstream, so to speak, every year these studies reveal that some parents actually managed to screw their children’s lives in a manner that would make Sigmund Freud jealous for not thinking about this first: pick a name that will not only haunt the child for the rest of his or her life, but turn the child into a constant subject of mockery, abuse and nervous breakdowns.

To be fair to our cause, this is not about some celebrities’ children names, as we all know how Kal – El (son of Cage) will develop, or how little miss Apple (daughter of Poltrow) will face at some point some trademark infringement law case in the unfortunate circumstance of ever wanting to sell phones. We are talking about those anonymous mothers and fathers everywhere in the country who are so cool, naming their children James or Diana was too little, they had to come up with better than this. So we picked up five contenders among the children who are going to hate their life when they grow up, solely based on their names.

1. Google – You feel lucky, punk?

google

Imagine this conversation in school:

“Teacher, where do I find some reliable references on Mark Twain’s works for my essay?”

“Ask Google”

Imagine this conversation in adulthood

“Google, google me the recipe for roasted turkey, please”

And this is just the tip of the iceberg. Imagine being asked questions all the time and being a constant subject of interminable mockery. He will end up changing his name into Jon Doe and flee the country.

2. Lovelle – Shake it like you mean it

lovelle

You know how they say a name pretty much pre-defines and pre-determins your entire destiny? Now tell me you don’t read this name and see it in neon lights next to a dancing pole. Maybe I am the crazy one, but Danielle was just right and I hope dear little angel Lovelle will become a neuroscientist.

3. Hurricane. Definitely one of the children who are going to hate their life

hurricane

In the Lord’s year 2013, some parents decided to name their new-born son Hurricane. Now if the boy’s first cries sounded exactly like the Scorpions band lead vocalist, everything is just dandy, as the boy will become the next superstar in rock music. But if you called your child like this just because he was born during the hurricane, survived the hurricane or was conceived during the hurricane, this token of “remember the time” is quite cruel.

4. Shoog. Because 2012 was a shoog year for girls

Why give the child a name which might turn ugly if mocked in a nickname, when you can cut the BS from the start and name her (because Shoog is a her) directly odd, just so you cut everybody’s wings before they start finding name alternatives in high school? Little miss Shoog, we truly hope you won’t become one of those children who hate their life and none of your future friends and colleagues will ever ask you how on Earth did your parents come with this… sound… of a name.

5. Leviathan

Seriously people? It’s 2013 and you name your boy Leviathan? There are so many ways this kid’s life is going to be screwed up, we can’t even begin to count them. He’ll go around by the name of Levi, identify himself as a descendant of the Levi Strauss genealogical tree and wear denim for the rest of his life. There’s no other possible way to beat his parents’ creativity.

There you have my personal selection of children who are going to hate their life because of their names. There are so many more out there. So many and so weird, one might come to believe that Kal – El isn’t that bad after all.

Hate ‘em, Hate ‘em, Wouldn’t Want to Date Them? 6 Male Stars That Got Better With Age

Since fabulous George Takei managed to shame the entire male population aged 18 to 80 with his push-ups show live at Conan, every journalist and every entertainment website jumped around screaming, as ladies, you seem to have forgotten that you may wipe an invisible drool (it’s quite visible, don’t you worry about that, we all know it’s there) every time social media waves and flashes before your eyes some photos of Ryan Gosling or Tom Hiddleston or another young and fresh piece of superstar, but it’s the old ones that truly have the hots, while some of them still have the stamina, while a surprising bunch of actors got better with age.

So who wouldn’t want to date them, the old gods, instead of the new ones? There was a time when you could ask a woman who’s her favorite mature guy she secretly dreams of, and they would all tell you without blinking: Sean Connery. Former Mr. Bond had indeed enticed the imagination of many generations of women, but since time doesn’t stand still, some of the young ones you were so infatuated with 10 – 15 years ago…reached themselves a certain age. So, ladies? Hate them, hate them, wouldn’t want to date them? Let’s see six male stars that got better with age.

1. George Clooney doesn’t have an age

george clooney

Mark my words, ladies, your daughters will have the same hots for him just as you did for Connery. What can we say? He is indeed a hot guy. Over fifty and according to the rumors, still a bachelor and not soon to change his Facebook status otherwise. Which is bad for the guys, actually. We will keep on sleeping with one eye open, while the ladies will check him and a few others in the category “would want to date them before it’s too late.”

2. Chris Noth definitely got better with age

chris noth

Many men out there may have hated the guts of the Sex and the City show because it taught you ladies a lot of bad things (ready for ducking flowing rocks any time now) but in all fairness, Mr. Noth is a subject of envy for the guys and some moans for the gals, as he doesn’t seem to develop a beer belly (quite common among men almost 60) and that is just not fair…

3. Lenny Kravitz looks age in the eyes and spits on it

Lenny Kravitz

This guy would make even the Highlander get green in jealousy, but time seems to be on the musician’s side. And he couldn’t just stick to music, he had to show up in movies too, which left the entire male populace poorer with at least one hope of surviving the 49 – 50 barrier. And in ten years from now, he will still be on the list of male stars who got better with age.

4. Sting actually gets younger

sting

This Police-man seems to defy all logic, physics and natural laws when it comes to looks and charms. He makes easily any top ten hotties almost 60 years old and who wouldn’t want to date them? Or at least a few of them, anyway, Sting in front and center? Men secretly wish that one day Sting will share with them all the formula of the “forever young, hot and slim” potion he is taking.

5. Brad Pitt will look even better in another 50 years

brad-pitt

The Gen – Y female representatives may not remember him well (if at all) in his first years of career, when he showed up in the iconic movie Thelma and Louise looking like the male version of the Playboy bunny, only to turn out not only a great actor, but also a hot stud? Guys everywhere are planning to rioting against him, not because he personally ruined their chances with Angelina Jolie, but because he is still making their girlfriends sigh. Imagine your daughters sighing in another ten years, ladies and gentlemen.

6. Johhny Depp is immortal. Period

johnny depp

Let’s hear it ladies, you all know he is somehow immortal and getting even better with age, just like wine, isn’t it? Well, we have to give you that, Captain Sparrow seems to actually getting younger, in spite of the fact that he reached fifty years old. But as the situation looks, he will be around long enough to fuel your dreams.

Now let’s be honest, who wouldn’t want to date these five male stars that got better with age? And others equally better looking at 50 or at 60 or at 70 years old? For the gentlemen, there is only one advice if they want to make up for the lost time: follow Mr. Takei’s example: 100 push – ups a day, get famous, get rich and get brilliantly funny. The rest will come too…

The Horrible Christmas Cards You Don’t Want to Receive

We all love to get cheerful, seasonal Christmas cards through the post, don’t we? However, what we really, really done want is one of these horrible Christmas cards. Seriously, if you get a card like these ones then it is time to get new friends or buy a new family or something.

The Naked Family Card

Horrible Christmas Cards and The Naked Family Card

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