More Bad Parent Fails from

by Will Conley

We see nothing wrong with this awesome trick.

Almost a year ago, we published a list of the ten worst parent fails from In retrospect, how can we claim to say which parenting fails are the worst, when there are so many to choose from?

Why play favorites with the parents who store their toddler in a glorified window planter on one of the higher floors of a high-rise apartment building, when there are so many qualified parents who can play Leaf Blower G-Force Face with the best of them?

It’s really not fair to choose and rank these gloriously bad parents, so we’re releasing a few more examples of bad parenting, all of which are worthy of honorable mention at the very least. [Read more...]

Cats Eating Pizza

Unless you have some sort of stupid allergy against wheat or pepperoni or what have you, I’m guessing you absolutely love pizza; they’re crusty discs of bread smothered with cheese, tomatoes, mushrooms, olives, ham and even pineapples, for god’s sake! To us mere mortals, they’re godly meals that tickle our taste buds and fill our unworthy stomachs. But we’re not the only species on planet Earth that enjoys devouring slices of pizza; no, no – cats do too.

Yes, as you’ll see in the rib-tickling pictures arranged below, our feline companions also enjoy the scrumptious taste of Italy’s finest invention. They enjoy all sorts of pizzas, from cheese and tomato to spinach and ricotta. They like deep-dish, thin-crust, small, medium and large. They’re regular old Garfield wannabes and unashamed to say so. Now, go on, take a peek, but no snatching any slices; kitties have got claws, remember. [Read more...]

The Five Worst Kinds of Pickup Lines

Pickup lines, as a rule, generally suck. Everyone knows one when they hear one, and a lot of times are not impressed by them. Even at their best, pickup lines are tacky and silly sounding, and even those are a rarity.

They are remarkably similar to Christmas sweaters in this aspect.

I have noticed, though, that pickup lines can be sorted into groups, based on what kind of awful person they make you look like. First impressions are everything, and since all this person knows about you is that you just tried to hit on them by hitting them with a snappy one liner, it’s going to force them to draw some conclusions about your everyday demeanor. For simplicity’s sake, the situations described are based on a man trying to hit on a woman, since this appears to be the most common scenario. [Read more...]

Top Five Strangest Sweets

Almost everybody likes to indulge in a lump of brightly coloured sugar now and again; after all, those E-numbers sure are delicious. However, influenced by changes in tastes, technology and popular culture, the candy industry has really had to step up its game recently, and as a result various companies have ended up producing a bizarre array of products that elicit responses ranging from mildly baffled to OH GOD NO, I WILL NOT PUT THAT IN MY MOUTH EVEN IF YOU PAY ME. Here follow a few of the weirdest sweets around at the moment: consume at your own peril.

Giant Gummy Worm

The giant gummy worm is alarming for a number of reasons. [Read more...]

10 Real, True Predictions for 2012, Honest

by Will Conley

There has been much talk and hand-wringing over the Mayan predictions for the year 2012. Some say the world will end. Others say 2012 will mark a new beginning in the human condition, a wonderful transformation of consciousness into a higher plane of awareness. Well, we had our gods of choice check it out, and they told us it’s all bull. That is to say, the specific predictions — apocalyptic earthquakes and such — are not actually the way things are going to shake out.

Don’t get us wrong, things are about to get ugly, that’s totally true, but not in the way you thought they would. And yes, there will be a shift in consciousness, but by “shift” we mean the same way in which your dog “shifts” as he tends to a private itch by sitting on the carpet and spinning around in circles.

The following revelations were handed down to us by said gods of choice through the prophet Will Conley, whose qualifications for this sort of thing include a journalism background and a New Year’s Eve hangover. The revelations were inscribed by lightning onto his upper arm in the form of a tattoo.

The information contained herein is guaranteed to be accurate. We offer it to you as a public service out of the goodness of our hearts. It’s not like we stand to profit from your very genuine fears. It’s not like we have a vested interest in exacerbating your deep-seated and debilitating anxieties about the future of your existence. We just care!

The following is a direct transcript of that glorious tattoo of true predictions. [Read more...]