The Worst Analogies Ever Written

When I read a good analogy I feel a warm glow like when you leave the kettle boiling for too long and the water evaporates and the kettle burns your house down. However, if there’s one thing I like more than a good analogy it is to look at some of the worst analogies ever.

Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever

Extravagant Vocabulary and Worst Analogies

Most of the bad analogies we will look at here are from real student exams. This beauty was written by an unknown poetic genius. I think you’ll agree that we’ll be hearing a lot more from this young star in years to come.

John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met

Humming birds, meeting and the worst analogies

We can thank a student called Russell, from Springfield, for this piece of sparkling prose. It brings to mind the beautiful image of, err, a couple of small birds flapping about madly in different places. Come to think of it, am I the only person to find hummingbirds mildly annoying? They get me all nervous and uptight with all their hyperactive wing flapping and stuff.

The little boat drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn’t

Little Boat, Bowling Ball and Worst Analogies

This is another classy analogy credited as coming from the inspired pen of Russell in Springfield. Who is that analogy creating monster? If you have ever seen a bowling ball not floating across a pond then this stunning analogy will bring the memories flooding back.

I slept like a log

Log, Sleeping and Worst Analogies

This isn’t one that was written by a student but you’ve probably heard it countless times in your life. You might even have used it at some point, you crazy fool. So, if you slept like a log how exactly did you sleep? Like an inanimate piece of timber that doesn’t actually sleep?

The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease

Hailstones, Maggots and Worst Analogies

Gary from Silver Spring brings us the next joyous analogy. I don’t know anything about this guy but it seems safe to suggest that he has some less than wholesome pastimes.

It hurt the way your tongue hurts after you accidentally staple it to the wall

Hurting Tongue, Stapler and Worst Analogies

The best analogies are the ones that transport you to another time and place with their timeless grace and beauty. In this case, the unknown author makes us recall those crazy, hazy days when we carried out popular hobbies such as accidentally stapling our tongues to the wall.

I felt a nameless dread. Well, there probably is a long German name for it, like Geschpooklichkeit or something, but I don’t speak German. Anyway, it’s a dread that nobody knows the name for, like those little square plastic gizmos that close your bread bags. I don’t know the name for those either

Nameless dread, Square Plastic Gizmos to Close Bread Bags and Worst Analogies

This is just sheer poetry and it makes us know exactly what kind of fear the writer felt. I don’t know what the little plastic gizmos are called either.

Like is like a box of chocolates

Life, Box of Chocolates and Worst Analogies

This is, of course, a quote from Forrest Gump and you might argue that it is a metaphor rather than an analogy but I don’t care; I just hate the damned thing. Life is resolutely not like a box of chocolates in any way. It’s more like one of those mystery pizzas you order at midnight when you’re drunk and then in the morning you can’t work out what is even on it. Actually, it’s not like that at all, either.

15 Facts and Figures about Brangelina’s Wedding

15 Facts and Figures about Brangelina’s Wedding5

Autumn is here, and things tend to get a little depressing, don’t they? If you belong to the cheerful-no-matter-what category, consider yourself lucky, but the most of us here find it rather depressing. So let’s consider autumn to be the season for new beginnings, and start our resolution with a wedding. Probably the most famous wedding of the year, Brangelina’s wedding, is all over the Internet nowadays. And ThisBlogRules makes no exception. Here are 15 facts and figures about Brangelina’s wedding.

#1. The wedding of the year took place at their French estate Chateau Miraval in Correns on August 23.

15 Facts and Figures about Brangelina’s Wedding1

#2. Ange, 39, and 50-year-old Brad exchanged vows at their French home, reportedly in honor of a promise Ange made to her late mother, Marcheline Bertrand.

#3. Brad had a stone in the Chateau Miraval chapel engraved with a tribute to Angelina’s mother who died in 2007.

#4. The couple’s six children, Maddox, 13, Pax, 10, Zahara, 9, Shiloh, 8, and 6-year-old twins Vivienne and Knox wrote their wedding vows! “The children wrote vows and asked us to make promises to each other. It was very sweet what they came up with,” Angelina said.

#5. The 20 guests hummed “Here Comes the Bride” when Angelina Jolie walked down the aisle on Aug. 23. And “at one point in the ceremony, a ring was dropped, prompting giggles from the guests.”

15 Facts and Figures about Brangelina’s Wedding

#6. The happy couple sold the rights to the wedding pictures to People and Hello! for $2 million. That’s a far cry from the $14 they received for pictures of their newborn twins.

#6. Attending the wedding was Brad’s parents and siblings and Angelina’s brother, James Haven.

#7. They had 22 guests all in all.

#8. Dad Jon Voight was not invited. “I’m very happy that I can now legitimately call him my son-in-law, this wonderful fellow who I love, and that they’re very happy. The kids must have had a wonderful time at the wedding because they all had their things to do,” Voight said.

#9. Instead of a honeymoon, they’ll be having a “workingmoon,” during which the couple will be filming their upcoming drama By the Sea. “We are working together on a drama about grief and finding a way through a difficult marriage,” Jolie, 39, tells People. “We find it very funny that it’s our honeymoon.”

15 Facts and Figures about Brangelina’s Wedding3

#10. The happy couple’s children chose the cakes for family and friends to indulge in to celebrate their parents’ big day at their French estate Chateau. “There were three different types of cakes, all picked by the kids – one was a strawberry ice cream one, another was a three-chocolate gateau and a third had fresh cream and raspberries,” a source said.

#11. Apparently, both Brad and Angelina were in tears when they said I do. It sounds as though it was very moving.

#12. Jolie and her brother, James Haven, also wore pieces of jewellery that belonged to Marcheline, who died in 2007 after a long battle with ovarian cancer. “I also wore a little flower ring that was hers, and Jamie wore an angel pin from her jewellery box,” she said. Jolie also accessorised her custom made Versace wedding dress by wearing “a small gold locket with a photo of her mom inside it.”

#13. As if you didn’t know this by now, Jolie’s dress and silk veil featured “embroidered drawings” from her children and was designed by Versace.

#14. Each of the kids had a role in the ceremony, too. Maddox and Pax walked their mom down the aisle, Zahara and Vivienne tossed flower petals, and Shiloh and Knox carried the rings. “It’s a wonderful feeling to be married,” Pitt and Jolie told Hello! Regarding the special day. “The children are so happy.”

#15. Brad’s two best friends, Matt Damon and George Clooney, didn’t attend the nuptials, and while Matt, 43, hasn’t spoken about his good mate’s special day, Clooney was quick to share his delight. “How great is that? I’m really happy for Brad and Angie and their whole family.”

Autumn is here, there’s no doubt about that. So dream on… Dream on…

The 6 Most Overused Movie Songs of all Time

The music we listen to in movies make up very much of the atmosphere of the picture. It is a meta-message meant to hit right into the viewer’s subconscious. It makes us cry, it makes us laugh, and music also adds extra-context and meaning to what is being seen on the screen. But some songs are definitely overused, there’s no doubt about that. This post is meant to walk you through the 6 most overused movie songs of all time.

1. Let’s Get it On – Marvin Gaye

The 6 Most Overused Movie Songs of all Time1

This starts singing every time the weirdo character gets the girl. This song was already featured in movies like The Change-up, Marmaduke, The Bounty Hunter, Frankie and Alice, Blades of Glory, Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason, Something’s Gotta Give, Crossroads, High Fidelity, Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo, Love Stinks, The Taking of Beverly Hills, Nine Months. I reckon originality at its peak.

2. What a Wonderful World – Louis Armstrong or other more recent adaptations

The 6 Most Overused Movie Songs of all Time2

This song might as well be used on both sad and pathetic situations, but on happy and emotional ones as well. It’s a guaranteed jackpot.

It was used in movies such as: How to Lose Friends and Alienate People, W, Harold & Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay, Madagascar, Son of the Mask, Going the Distance, Freaky Friday, What a Girl Wants, Finding Forrester, Meet Joe Black?Twelve Monkeys, Michael, Good Morning, Vietnam, Bowling for Columbine, Women Talking Dirty. And it was also used in over 136 TV appearances. But I think this figure is way bigger.

3. Sweet Home Alabama – Lynyrd Skynyrd

The 6 Most Overused Movie Songs of all Time3

This has become such a kitschy movie song that it turned into an actual film starring Reese Witherspoon, a film that obviously has the same title as the song, and it features this exact song as its musical theme, so that we really become hopelessly fed up with it.

You can also listen to it in other pictures like: Despicable Me, The Girl Next Door, Sahara, An American Carol, Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Sweet Home Alabama, 8 Mile, Excess Baggage, Con Air, To Die For, Crimson Tide, Forrest Gump, Outside Providence. Make sure to buy all the soundtracks as well.

4. Kung Fu Fighting ­– Carl Douglas

The 6 Most Overused Movie Songs of all Time4

This song has about the same faith as the one above. It’s got its own movie named after it, the only difference being that the movie is about pandas, so you’d have to add them to the title as well.

So here they are: Kung Fu Panda, Rush Hour 3, Epic Movie, Roll Bounce, Child Star, Daddy Daycare, City of God, Beverly Hills Ninja, Mighty Morphin Power Rangers: The Movie, I’m Gonna Git you Sucka.

5. Stayin’ Alive – Bee Gees

The 6 Most Overused Movie Songs of all Time5

This song is heard every time there’s a plan to be followed, and the protagonists are on their way to its fulfillment. It’s like a “the best is yet to come” universal theme. Life is hard, but wonderful and through repeated struggles, we manage to stay alive.

Sing along to it in The Bounty Hunter, Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakquel, Meet Dave, Young at Heart, Chicken Little, Madagascar, Strange Bedfellows, Baby Geniuses, A Night at the Roxbury, Mars Attacks!, Swingers, Grumpier Old Men, Let it be Me, Naked Gun 33 1/3: The Final Insult, Mr. Saturday Night, Supercop, Honey I Blew up the Kid, Cadillac Man, Look Who’s Talking.

6. Over the Rainbow - Israel Kamakawiwo’ole version

The 6 Most Overused Movie Songs of all Time6

It’s a very touching song indeed, but come on now, we’ve listened to it too many times. Judy Garland’s Wizard of Oz version was very impressive indeed, but we should’ve moved on a long time ago.

This universal anthem was used in the following movies so far: 9, Fred Claus, Little Nicky, Made in America, Finding Forrester, Alpha Dog, Milk, Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow, 50 First Dates, You’ve Got Mail, Meet Joe Black, Contact, Face/Off, Selena, One Fine Day, Unconditional Love, Sleepless in Seattle, Made in America, International Velvet, Pink Panther Strikes Again, Dr. Phibes Rises Again and probably thousands of TV shows or documentaries. Somewhere over the rainbow is where filmmakers should find their musical inspiration.

The Worst Movie Sequels Ever Made

I surely can’t be the only person who trembles with fear when I see that one of my favourite movies has had a sequel made. After all, the laws of movie making mean that there is about an 80% chance that it will be a stinker.

Grease 2

Worst Movie Sequels and Grease 2

Tell me more, tell me more! No, please don’t. As a child I was tortured by a pair of older sisters who watched the original Grease movie on an almost daily basis. The strange thing is that as much as I wanted to hate Grease I just couldn’t bring myself to do so. It just had an unmistakeable coolness about it all. Yet, even my sisters only managed to get halfway through this wretched sequel before switching it off. Even the presence of Michelle Pfeiffer couldn’t save this one from bombing horribly.

Rocky 2

Worst Movie Sequels and Rocky 2

Let’s be honest here, the first Rocky movie was a load of old nonsense. Yet it was saved because it felt like authentic old nonsense. However, the follow up was just rehashed old nonsense, which is a lot worse. Honestly, how many times can Rocky take an absolute pummelling for the entire boxing match before limping over to deliver the knockout punch to a rival who has already been proven to be vastly superior to him? This version of the boxing franchise also has the lamest love story ever tacked on to a boxing movie.

Robocop 2

Worst Movie Sequels and Robocop 2

A common problem with the worst sequels ever made is that the writers somehow lose the very thing that made the original work in the first place. Step forward Robocop 2, with its lack of wit, originality, fun and interesting characters.

Jaws 2

Worst Movie Sequels and Jaws 2

Do you know, we could be here all day listing the worst movie sequels ever made. It seems as though making the follow up to a successful film is an incredibly difficult thing to do. This means that it was no great surprise when we realised that Jaws sucked.

The Matrix Reloaded

Worst Movie Sequels and The Matrix Reloaded

How many grown men across the world almost cried when they realised that the sequel of their favourite movie was an utter, utter travesty? The really bad news is that things are only going to get worse from here on in. How could it all go so badly wrong and turn from an epic, original movie into something full of clichés and nonsense?

Teen Wolf Too

Worst Movie Sequels and Teen Wolf Too

Have you ever had the raging misfortune to see this inanely crap movie sequel? Come back Michael, we need you. Seriously, we do. Your cousin just doesn’t cut it.

Speed 2: Cruise Control

Worst Movie Sequels and Speed 2: Cruise Control

The original Speed movie sounded like a bit of a stupid concept for a movie, yet it was a huge success. So what could possibly go wrong with the sequel? Err, quite a lot really. It was something to do with an oil tanker and Keanu was nowhere to be seen and did I already mention that watching it almost made my eyes bleed.

Son of the Mask

Worse Movie Sequels and Son of the Mask

Oh dear. From start to finish this is quite simply a horrible, lame and rather unfunny sequel. When the follow up movie doesn’t feature the person who basically made the original worth watching then you know that it is going to be a struggle.

6 SF Movie Masterpieces

When in comes to SF movies, there’s a guilty pleasure constantly hovering above our heads. Admit it or not, there’s at least one SF movie we keep in our hearts, despite our not being the type who would enjoy such a movie in all circumstances. They are so diverse, that they cannot hit a nerve. Let’s take a look at 6 SF movie masterpieces.

They go way beyond space ships and aliens. They can be metaphysical, indeed, and also the perfect guide to personal revelations as they constantly nurture our imagination and accurately predict the future.

1. STALKERAndrei Tarkovsky, 1979

4.2.3

Based on the novel Picnic By The Roadside, written by brothers Boris and Arkady Sturgatsky, Tarkovsky’s film follows an absorbing character as he is guided by the “stalker,” who leads people into a secluded room that’s said to turn dreams into reality. But don’t expect dream sequences full of visual effects. Tarkovsky creates a hidden tension and revelation using various color schemes and editing tricks. But this movie is a must-see. It’s revolutionary without making a boast; it’s science fiction without the visuals.

2. CLOSE ENCOUNTERS OF THE THIRD KIND – Steven Spielberg, 1977

6 SF Movie Masterpieces2

According to this film, aliens are friendly beings, despite first impressions. Spielberg, who both wrote and directed Close Encounters, answered the eternal question “Are we alone?” with an optimistic: “No, and we’ve got some pretty adorable and friendly neighbors beyond those stars.” Back in 1977, that a daring position to take, especially since UFO interest was at its peak and Hollywood was full of paranoia that took advantage of this newly installed movie inclination that only nurtured it and increased its impact.

3. METROPOLIS – Fritz Lang, 1927

6 SF Movie Masterpieces3

Credited as being the first feature-length movie in the sci-fi genre, Metropolis is the cultural legacy of Lang’s visions of the future that cannot be over stated. That’s a good thing, considering it took a budget worthy of 20 pictures of the day therefore easily making it the most expensive movie made at the time. It’s all about the urban dystopia and it’s a feast for the eyes, inspiring awe with its large-scale cityscapes, overcrowded set pieces, and iconic shot of a female robot given life through Frankenstein-style electrical experimentation.

4. 2001-A SPACE ODYSSEY – Stanley Kubrick, 1968

6 SF Movie Masterpieces4

Divided into four main parts, the monkeys, proto-Roy Scheider Heywood Floyd’s mission to the moon, the Discovery One’s Jupiter flight, and the LSD finale, the film’s plot is about an alien monolith that is discovered by astronauts, and how it leads to a close encounter of the third kind. But it also discusses our evolution, where we are heading; this film could never become outdated. It’s simply overwhelming.

5. SOLARISAndrei Tarkovsky, 1972

6 SF Movie Masterpieces5

Tarkovsky started work on an adaptation of Stanis?aw Lem’s philosophical science-fiction novel in 1968, novel that posited the existence of solaristics – the study of an outlying star system that had bizarre effects on human psychology. Tarkovsky took this idea, and turned it into an interrogation on faith, memory and the transfiguring power of love.

6. BLADE RUNNERRidley Scott, 1982

6 SF Movie Masterpieces6

It is based on Philip K Dick’s novel, Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep? It also borrowed its title from William S Burroughs. Blade Runner follows a detective called Rick Deckard as he hunts down a group of replicas. The magic of this movie is that it’s technically anything but old school, despite its noir influences. It explores all the major themes of humanity, from environment to religion. Blade Runner, however, was completely misunderstood when it was released.

The list goes on and on, that’s for sure. But all of the above, despite being classical, are life-changing due to their being so full of meaning, tension, questions and introspection. Except for Blade Runner, they are perhaps less known by the younger public. That’s why they should definitely be given a chance.