B Movies: From The Theater To Your Home

 

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History

Have you recently went to the movies and experienced the endless commercials before the actual movie started? Well, in the past, when movies were beginning to be shown in theaters or cinemas in the late 1890′s, that didn’t exist as a form of advertising. The very first modern or storefront type theater in the United States opened on June 26, 1896 at the Vitascope Hall on Canal Street in New Orleans, Louisiana.

At the time, more and more theaters popped up throughout the United States and it became a popular form of entertainment. These theaters would show the popular movies of the time. Almost like the establishments were grooming the theaters to become a classy form of entertainment.

Until…

 

The 1930′s and 1940′s would show the fans of movie theaters that they had a degenerative side to them as well, well in the eyes of those who didn’t appreciate things like humor and the like.

 

To give the customer more bang for their buck, movie houses would present a double feature and start the show with a cartoon and a newsreel. The first film was usually shorter than the main film. The main, feature length film was called the “A” movie by the theater owner and the first movie shown was called the “B” movie. The “B” movie was usually low budget and starred most unknown or little known actors. The “B” movie was said to be, by the patrons, entertaining in a non-flattering way.

 

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The “B” movies were shown in theaters until the 1950′s, when the Drive-Ins began showing these movies every weekend. These Drive-Ins shown the “B”movies because the teenagers were rarely paying attention to the flick,  they were too busy making out in their cars. By the end of the 1970′s, Drive-Ins started showing mainstream movies such as “The Omen” and exploitation and pornographic films.

 

For a while, “B” movies were hard to find until customers began to purchase the big technological advancement called the “VCR”, or video cassette recorder. The cassettes were called “VHS” tapes and that is when the “B” movies were accessible within the comfort, and privacy, of the customers home. The “VHS” tape cover art was as good, or bad, as the movies themselves. Some people even rented these tapes based on the cover art from the video store, all the while, getting a raised eyebrow from the store clerk.

 

Characteristics of B Movies

 

Some ways to detect a “B” movie from a mainstream movie include:

 

  • Unknown actors or little known actors such as Shannon Tweed and Fred Ward.
  • Low budget. Usually five hundred thousand dollars or less.
  • Innovative design or shooting. Think “The Blair Witch Project” shaky camera.
  • Odd or out of the box subject matter
  • Genre specific – Action, Horror, etc.

Notable Directors, Actors, and Movies

Directors

The most famous “B” Movie director of all time is arguably Roger Corman. Corman directed over four hundred movies including “Sharktopus”, “Death Race 2000″, Swamp Women” and “Caged Heat”.

 

Johnathan Demme directed “Crazy Mama” and co-directed “Caged Heat” with Roger Corman before directing bigger movies such as “Silence of the Lambs”.

Lloyd Kaufman is the “Troma Film” king! Kaufman is the creator and director of the “Toxic Avenger” movies and such classic “B” movies as “Bloodsucking Freaks” and “Class of Nuke ‘Em High”. Kaufman has directed over one thousand movies, most of them “B” movies.

Actors

Have you ever heard of Bela Legosi or Pam Grier? What about Vincent Price? They all got their start in “B” movies.

Bruce Campbell of “Evil Dead” fame has starred in many “B” movies such as, well, “Evil Dead”.

Sid Haig from Rob Zombie movies “House of 1,000 Corpses” and “The Devil’s Rejects” has starred in many “B” movies since the 1970′s.

Movies

With choices such as “Killer Klowns from Outer Space”, “Basket Case”, Two Thousand Maniacs” or “Alligator”, you can make up an idea and it’s probably a “B” film. Want to watch a movie about a mama’s boy that runs over people with a lawnmower? Fine, it’s called “Dead Alive”. How about a movie where a father flushed his kids small pet alligator down the toilet and it grows in the New York City sewer system and returns as a giant killer? That exists too as “Alligator”.

 

“B” movies are horrible, great, exciting, crazy, awful, fun, bloody, bad, and humorous all in one great package. When searching for a movie to watch, don’t underestimate a great ” B” movie. You may not be disappointed.

 

Top Movies That Won’t Get You Laid

Anything by Sasha Baren Cohen.

Borat Swimsuit

VERY NICE!

Yes, he’s married to the hot woman from Wedding Crashers, but he also writes and directs movies  with lots of “wang”.  Farting and penis jokes aside, Sasha’s movies are crude and they abound with low brow humor.

Om nom nom.

Om nom nom.

Whipped

Movies with sexual jokes can be a turn on for sure.  But when the movie opens with a scene about rimming, and the disgusting

reasons it isn’t always a good idea, awkward doesn’t quite cover it.

Anything with Alien Chest Bursting or Demonic Possession

Nothing says sexy like an critter bursting from a main character’s chest.  Avoid Prometheus, Instinct,

Chest Burst from aliens won't get you laid

Worst moment in the film to pull the ‘ol’penis in the popcorn’ trick.

Predator and anything from HR Giger. Projectile vomiting and spinning heads are also “Not Sexy.”

Train Spotting, Requiem for a Dream, and Gummo

Requiem for not getting laid

I can hear the ocean.

These druggie, trashy, dirty movies leave you more likely to go home to get a shower than set for a night of getting it on.  And that was before the rats and bed wetting.

Blue Valentine

Love story gone wrong combined with all of the reasons not to have sex.  Not first date material.  Add to this any movie with a unplanned pregnancy because nothing says mood killer like morning sickness, pregnant moms, and abortion conversations.  Also off the list, any movie with STDs, Death by jealous girlfriend, and tragic rape movies.

Blue Valentine won't get you laid

Hey Baby Cakes, Let’s become trash over time together.

Add to our list any movies you can think of that serve as a cinematic cock block or help us build the top list of movies that will get you laid.

 

Top 10 Halloween Costume Ideas

Halloween Costumes

September begins and school kids and adults alike skip to planning for the next fun holiday – Halloween.  A quick online glance at the new trends for Halloween costumes indicates that you may well see a good number of last year’s Angry Birds, back again for a repeat (and with a better costume).  Also on the up and coming list, Avengers costumes, Merida (Disney’s Brave), and new additions to the Monster’s High costume selection.

2012 Halloween Costume Trends

Here are our best guesses for what to expect in 2012 Halloween Costume Trends

1.  Dress up as Obama/Romney political posers. Obama Mask

This happens every four years where parents take it upon themselves to dress their kids as a political character in order to “campaign” door to door as they trick or treat.  It can be cute.  Or just weird.  And it can definitely be annoying.  Even if you don’t see many of these political costumes out and about, you’ll notice them for sure, and much like the presidential election, it could be scary.

 

Obama Halloween Mask

Photo Courtesy of kevin douley Flickr

2.  The Avengers Halloween Costumes.

As mentioned above, this one is just too easy.  Kids will be dressing up as the Hulk, Captain America, Iron Man, and so on and so forth.  Even the women can get in the action with the Avengers Black Widow Costume.  It’s easy. And looks pretty good.

Avengers Halloween Costume

Photo Courtesy of RevoltPuppy Flickr

3. Angry Birds Costume.

Last year was for the birds, with a lot of home made Angry Bird costumes, but few in the stores.  This means there may be some latent, repressed birders out there willing to don the costume.  Yellow and red mostly (click here for the Angry Birds Red Costume), and available for boys and girls.

Angry Birds Halloween Costume

Photo Courtesy of flickrsummer Flickr

4.  Disney Princess | Disney Brave Merida Costume.

This one never gets old, and this year we have Disney’s Merida the Brave Costume out and about for sale.  Very cute and in a number of sizes.  It would be cute for the big sister, especially if you can convince a few younger siblings to dress up as the bratty bears/brothers.

Disney Princess Merida Halloween Costume

Photo Courtesy of armadillo444 Flickr

5. Batman Themed Halloween Costume.

There are likely going to be a number of  Batman Begins Costumes and Catwoman Costumes out and about, especially at the adult parties this year.   Sexy Catwoman costumes abound. . .

Batman Halloween Costume

Photo Courtesy of inneedofhelp08 Flickr

Homemade Halloween Costumes

6. Dress up as London Olympics Medal Winners.

Options abound as to what you might want to wear – speedos, gymnastics outfits, and tracksuits, are just some of the options.  Throw a handmade gold medal around your neck and your an Olympian.

7. Adult Fifty Shades of Grey Costume.

Dress up as a clueless college student and/or a ruggedly handsome millionaire.   Grab some handcuffs, and you’re fully costumed as Anastasia Steele and Christian Grey. This one is adult-only.

8. Hunger Games for Halloween.

Put on a frayed black outfit (remember, you’re poor), brown leather jacket and grab a bow and arrow for a prop and you’re all set to be Katniss Everdeen (don’t forget to braid your hair!)

Katniss and Peeta Halloween Costume

Photo Courtesy of Eryne! Flickr

9. Pregnant Snookie Costume

Jersey up your hair, spray on some fake tan, grab a pillow and dress up as a pregnant Snookie.

10. Dress up as Twilight characters Bella/Edward OR Kristen Stewart/Robert Pattinson

Dress up as a, angsty and remorseful Kristen Stewart (all black outfit and sad face)?  Or a pregnant, glowing, Bella.  Even better, you can go as Vampiric Edward or rebound Pattinson.  There must be a Pattinson mask out there somewhere.  Of course, either way, you are only slightly less of a Twihard than the YouTube fan who sobbed out her devastation at Kristen’s cheating ways.

Bella Swan Halloween Costume

Photo Courtesy of Naomi Lir Flickr

 

Michael Bayifier- Breakfast Club Edition

Has everyone heard about bayifier.com yet? If you haven’t, you need to pause, open a new tab and go there. Upload a classy, wholesome photo of yourself or someone you know and then proceed to give it the Michael Bay treatment by adding bombs, guns, explosions, fighter jets, fast cars and a Shia head (I’m not sure how you pronounce Shia, but in my head it’s always to the tune of the Chia pets jingle – “Sh-sh-sh-shia!!!”).

I’ve started a petition to upgrade the bayifier to work on video clips but since it’s a fansite, I’m guessing they don’t have a huge budget or team of developers at the ready. I also don’t really know what format to put the petition on, so it’s currently on 3-hole notebook paper in a dilapidated Lisa Frank trapper keeper I can’t bear to part with. Until my dreams come true and I can waste away hours bayifying videos and movies, I’m content to re-imagine the results in writing. Imagine the joy I felt when I watched “The Breakfast Club” and began to re-imagine it in the style of the inimitable Michael Bay. If you can’t imagine it, just picture an absurd level of giddiness and several friends rolling their eyes at me.

Since my friends think I’m nuts (nothing new there) I’m giving this gift to you, users of the Internet, to cherish and enjoy. Please allow me to present the Michael Bay reboot of “The Breakfast Club.”

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