The Stupid TV Shows That Should Never Have Existed

Is TV the greatest invention ever made by mankind or a hideous curse sent to make us all stupider? If we take a look at some of the most stupid TV shows that ever existed then the answer might seem obvious.

Dallas

Stupid TV Shows

I’m going to try very hard not to mention Booby Ewing coming back to life in the shower. Ok, so maybe not too hard. This show was a lost cause even before the ridiculous resurrection of Bobby but that plot twist remains the single most ridiculous thing to have ever appeared on my TV screen. Apart from that, this was just an everyday show about evil oil barons, rampant shoulder pads and other stuff I can’t remember.

Crossroads

Stupid TV Shows

From a glitzy, dazzling American soap to a humble British one; the only thing these shows have in common is the fact that they are both mind numbingly terrible. Most people’s abiding memory of Crossroads is of the achingly stupid Benny. The rest of the show’s 24-year run was a haze of excruciating dialogue, awful plots and wooden acting. 24 years! How we suffered back in those days.

The Dukes of Hazzard

Stupid TV Shows

I’m sorry. I really am. I know that you loved this show but it was just awful. For a start, it was just the most ridiculously contrived thing ever. If you thought that the Duke Boys’ wacky car stunts were the best thing about it then you are probably right, but only because the rest of it was so bad. Bo and Luke have some sort of fuzzily improbable probation terms that means that they either can’t leave Hazzard Country or else they can leave as long as they come back with a certain number of hours. Can you imagine being trapped in such a terrible place, with unbelievably bungling cops all around you and such frankly dangerous driving conditions on the roads?

Baywatch

Stupid TV Shows

What can I say about Baywatch that hasn’t already been said? Well, I could say that it is a cultural treasure packed with gripping dialogue and almost no gratuitous bikini shots at all. Sadly, I’d be hopelessly wrong. Incredibly, this frankly awful and stupid TV show was once one of the most popular shows in the entire known universe. Try watching an old episode now and see how quickly you lose faith in human intelligence.

Big Brother (and Every Other Reality Show)

Stupid TV Shows

I know that there is a world of lame reality shows out there but I have managed to avoid most of them in a way not unlike the way in which one steers clear of highly contagious diseases. I know, for example, of a simple-minded and desperately shallow family called the Kardashians. I also know that there are reality shows involving singers, people desperate to get married and all sorts of other flotsam and jetsam of televisual nonentities. However, ever since I spent an hour watching the very first series of Big Brother I vowed to avoid reality shows until I draw my last breath.

George & Mildred

Stupid TV Shows

As I grew up in the UK I am as used to pathetic sitcoms as I am to soggy, insipid biscuits and overly milky tea. This means that I could really have chosen any one from a long list of unfunny TV disasters. I only chose this unholy calamity because it was the first name to spring to mind that made me remember long, dark nights watching a TV screen and wondering why I had absolutely no urge to laugh at something that was (at least theoretically) a comedy.

Ever Tried the Game of Thrones Drinking Game? Now’s the Time

The ever popular show has just ended, until next year’s season at least, and we all kind of feel like “Wait, what? But it just started after such a long wait!”. In the crusade of finding the best way to cure the post-season 4 blues while still keeping the flame alive, we found just the thing to do, and hope you will agree with us. Play the Game of Thrones drinking game! We previously talked to you about drinking games in general and it’s true that they have been a fun way to pass the time with friends since the very discovery of alcohol, probably, but for all us Game of Thrones fans out there, it’s time to take the fun to the next level.

Besides, it’s the perfect summer fun – most of us are on vacation, we can gather our friends for an all-season marathon and serve some drinks while we’re at it, of course, right? You can take the initiative to call everyone from the gang over and even assign a drink or cocktail ingredient for each of them to bring. You just take care of organizing things and of planning a fun evening, to make everyone’s stories about the wild college days pale in comparison. And since drinks and the episode marathon go together like the horse and carriage, a thematic Game of Thrones drinking will make both activities even more fun.

General rules for the Game of Thrones drinking game

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As you can see, the whole point of the Game of Thrones drinking game is to write down a list of recurring lines or images or acts that usually fill the screen within a typical episode of the show. You know, the regulars like Jon being called a bastard, Tyrion being called an imp, Hodor saying “Hodor” and so on. Or gratuitous sex, nudity, a murder; and all the other casual acts which fill a typical day in Westeros. Next, to further define the rules of the Game of Thrones drinking game before you begin actually playing it, you should decide which of these call for a sip and which call for a whole shot, or even something more creative than plain drinking, like a little dance or whatever you deem to be a fun idea. You can see an example of general rules for the Game of Thrones drinking game in the image above, but as we’ll discuss next, the beauty of the game is the fact that the rules are adaptable, depending on the season you’re watching.

Adaptable triggers

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Since the show’s typical lines and stuff tend to change somewhat as the seasons progress – at least for the fact that characters tend to die like flies and thus a rule like “Drink a gulp each time Catelyn argues against a plan” is obviously not going to get anyone to drink – you should adapt the rules as well. This is why versions of the Game of Thrones drinking game are usually issued by the players for each season. There’s an example designed for season two of the show in the image right above, but you’re the lord or lady of your own castle. You should adapt the rules to suit your friends’ humor and preferences best. If you guys tend to laugh a lot on the expense of the Hound, add a drinking trigger to the list targeted specifically on something funny about him that tends to come on screen a lot.

As we hope you’re already convinced of, there’s lots of fun to be had with the Game of Thrones drinking game, provided you’re in a group of people you feel comfortable drinking with and you all enjoy watching the show. Have fun and make sure you don’t watch too many episodes while playing the game or you might get sick. Kids, don’t overdo this at home, ya’ know?

The Worst Movie Posters Ever Conceived

Have you ever been tempted to watch a movie solely because of its tasteful and enticing poster? If you have, then I bet it wasn’t due to one of these movie posters. Without further adieu, I present to you The Worst Movie Posters Ever Conceived:

Mission Impossible from Ghana

The Worst Movie Posters Ever Conceived

I really hate to criticize something that a talented person clearly put a lot of hard work and effort into. Jeez, who am I kidding? I love this poster. Maybe you don’t remember seeing this movie poster back in the 90’s unless you lived in Ghana at the time. It seems that movie theaters in Ghana can’t use official Hollywood posters for some possibly bizarre and complicated reason I can’t be bothered to research. So what do the mad African geniuses do? They create this masterpiece.

The Unfathomable Movie Poster

The Worst Movie Posters Ever Conceived

In your wildest imagination, can you have even guess what this film is about? One of the jobs of the movie poster is to give us a tantalizing glimpse at the film’s action. That’s what makes us part with our cash to see it. That mindset wasn’t really used here, was it?

The MASH Poster

The Worst Movie Posters Ever Conceived

Ah, Mash. The show that lasted longer than the war it was based on. The classic song from MASH tells us so many profound things about life. Life? Hey, I can take it or leave it as I please. The brains behind this operation made a very strange decision. When deciding on how to tempt audiences into cinemas to see their movie, they went with the idea of joining hands and legs together (and then sticking an army helmet on it). Brilliant!

The Celebrity Welding Experiment Poster

The Worst Movie Posters Ever Conceived

So you’ve got a film featuring Harrison Ford and Brendan Fraser in it. Well done. You probably aren’t going to mess it up and create a crappy movie, right? Oh well. At least you won’t mess up the movie posters, right? The first step to making something as bad as this is to ask these stars to make the ugliest expressions possible. Come on, Harrison! Can’t you at least try to look a bit more miserable and angry? Then, you weld the two together with some clumsy Photoshop skills.

The Wooden Tom Hanks Poster

The Worst Movie Posters Ever Conceived

This was a great movie, but can anyone explain to me why Tom Hanks looks like Pinocchio in this poster? Is it a real photo of him or did they draw his picture? Either way, something strange is happening here.

The Rock and Roll Dracula Poster

The Worst Movie Posters Ever Conceived

The existence of this fantastic looking film seems to have eluded me entirely before today. Just 10 seconds ago, I was entirely unaware of its existence (yes, I do type very fast, thank you). The irresistible idea behind this work of undoubted cinematic genius is a rock n roll Dracula movie – the world’s first. I’m sure you can scarcely believe it, right? The film features such scary dudes as Ringo Starr and Harry Nilsson. It also has the unforgettable catchphrase Bite It! Something this weird was either going to be brilliant or absolutely bloody awful.

The 30 Second Photoshop Poster

The Worst Movie Posters Ever Conceived

You now know that I’m a lightning fast typing fiend. However, I must confess that I have never used Photoshop. Not even once. Actually, maybe once but the point is that I have no idea how to use it in a professional sense. Neither does the person who created this poster.

Time Travel and 5 Great Movies about It

Living and really putting yourself out there in life (as opposed to, you know, just quitting and living like a hermit) means risking, all the time. Sure, there’s always the occasional win, but life means dealing with a lot of loss as well. I don’t mean to come off as pessimistic or depressive – the point isn’t that life is emptiness, on the contrary, because life is so full, living it and allowing yourself to care means that you’re also setting yourself up for loss. Ok, so maybe I’m a bit influenced by the recently released “The Fault in Our Stars”, but there’s no denying that if we care about people (and inevitably, if you live life, you do), there will be sorrow and loss at some point. And this is exactly why the topic of time travel is so popular in movies and books and so on. It’s the ultimate fantasy, especially if you experienced a loss you’d like to magically alter as if it never happened.

Even if the main drive propelling the time travel fantasy isn’t the sorrow of loss, but simply desire to give yourself a better start (like that unpleasant Biff character from the Back to the Future series), it still remains a popular topic. The popularity of this time travel hypothesis extends beyond movies and books, but it’s something scientists have tackled as well, even if just on a hypothetical level. Because it seems to be an important component of our general human imaginary, let’s talk about five examples of movies that are built around the time travel idea. Rest assured that they must have been pretty impressive to have made it into a presentation tailored to accommodate only five choices. So, without further ado, here are, in my opinion, 5 great movies about time travel that you should see (if you haven’t already).

1. The “Back to the Future” Trilogy

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The three movies in this trilogy are perhaps the best known cinematic takes on the time travel idea. Sure, they’re a bit mainstream=kitschy, but each one is a cult movie of the 80s and 90s and can propel any of us 80s and 90s kids into a roller-coaster of memories and references to the pop culture of those days. Come on, who doesn’t feel at least a bit touched by Marty’s signature leather jacket or his rock and roll guitar solo?

2. The Butterfly Effect (2004)

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Ah, the butterfly effect! The enormous consequences that can occur from something as seemingly simple and inconsequential as a butterfly’s flap of wings! This is definitely another favorite of pop culture, and the 2004 movie that explores the idea is basically the sad realization that time travel is not so desirable. Multiple tries and fails lead the main character to the conclusion that the past is better left unchallenged.

3. Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure (1989)

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To bring things back on to a lighter tone, let’s take a moment to remember this movie, which could be rightly described as a comic relief from the beginning to the end. Two moronic teenagers who can barely spell are about the change the history of the world. What more there is to say? Cheers to reckless time travel.

4. Timecrimes (Los cronocrimenes) (2007)

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For the sake of including a non-English movie to this short list to keep things more varied, make time (pun not intended) to watch this too. It’s a great movie about a man going back in time for one hour, accidently. When he finds his old self, a series of catastrophes are unleashed. If you’re into a darker touch in movies, this one’s for you.

5. Somewhere in time (1980)

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Last, but not least, a romantic entry for all of us who enjoy a tear-jerker about time travel. A young writer receives a call from beyond time, from a lover he doesn’t know yet, so he finds a way to travel through time, meet her and fall in love, only to lose her for good to the peculiarities of the same time travel mechanism that brought him there. P.S: Jane Seymour!

Sure, many more movies could be mentioned, but perhaps in part two. Have fun with these time travel classics in the meantime.

A Brand New Prize: Death in Game of Thrones

It’s no news that the Game of Throne fan community is among the largest such communities ever, compared to similar movements inspired by other books or movies. Maybe the Lord of the Rings fan base can come close to comparing, but nothing quite beats the numbers of the Game of Thrones fans yet. This passion has taken numerous creative forms, from the Inn at the Crossroads cookbook project which attempts to recreate the dishes served in Westeros, to the dress-up role-playing communities scattered throughout the world and so on.

Well, one of the characteristics of the story, that both annoys its fans but also keeps them hooked and coming back for more, is the character death rate. Death in Game of Thrones has become ubiquitous, and as a fan, you often feel afraid to get too attached to a character or like them, because the next thing you know, bam! That character ends up getting violently murdered or executed and you’re only left with crushed hopes and fists clenched in frustration. None of the compensation mechanisms usually employed by other epic stories seem to work here, also.

For example, at the beginning of the series, when most of us rooted for Ned Stark and the character was wrongly executed, the fan hope then turned to Robb, his elder son. It was only logical that even though the character that embodied those noble values died, his son, who is just like him only younger and a bit more cunning, would pick up his father’s sword and avenge his father’s name. But noooo, the author had other plans. Hence, the Red Wedding. And this was just the beginning for a long line of similarly crushed hopes. You see where we’re getting at? No kind of side-story relief seems to work here: whatever compensation you hope for, death in Game of Thrones will stick to its cruel ways and claim all the characters you’ve ever liked and more, one by one.

The speed with which the author keeps killing the characters has been the subject of many complaints, protests (he even had to go into hiding for a couple of weeks after the Red Wedding aired, so to avoid being the target of an angry fan lynching mob), and, ultimately, ironic fan art. The picture below sums up our frustrations perfectly:

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For those of you who hadn’t yet watched the latest episodes or somehow don’t get it, the picture alludes to Tyrion’s story about a retarded Lannister cousin who spent his days in the garden and kept smashing bugs with a rock, saying “Khuu! Khuu!”. Tyrion kept wondering what the reason behind all the insect slaughter was and insisted that the cousin was up to something other than mindless killing, that the pattern of his actions indicated a deeper meaning which still remained concealed. Well, the illustrator who made the picture above suggests that we are just Tyrion: trying to find a deeper meaning in the expanding character corpse pile, while the author just keeps killing them off purely for fun (and to troll us). Har har har.

But George R R Martin himself is very much aware of what they say of how present death in Game of Thrones is, and has made some brilliant ironic takes on it himself. This isn’t the first time when the author responds very ironically to fan rants about him, and he’s as funny and clever as ever while at it. (Check out for example the letter he wrote to the fans concerned that he’ll die before getting a chance to finish the series).

Returning to the current issue of almost unbearable death in Game of Thrones, George R R Martin has outdone itself: he organized a contest for fans with a wicked prize. What was the prize, you ask? Why, death in Game of Thrones, of course. The lucky winner will have a briefly appearing character named after him/her in the upcoming books and will obviously be killed off swiftly. As much as it frustrates us, we must admit that it was the most beautifully trolling way to respond to all the whines regarding the character death toll.