3 Less Known Music Genres You Should Give a Try

If you’re a music dinosaur, like I am, and sometimes find yourself in bizarre conversations you don’t understand, such as a recent one I had about the major differences between Unblack Metal, Black Metal and Christian Metal, the world may look like a very weird place all of a sudden, as there are so many sub-genres and branched genres and intertwined genres and a lot of new and unheard of ones, your head spins. Unblack Metal for me is metal and let’s leave things right there on the floor where they dropped, as apart from some heavy metal classics and veterans, everything else is just noise. Feel free to throw nails, chains, rocks and all your steel piercings at me.

So in a courageous attempt to finding out what are the most bizarre, new, wild and mind – blowing music genres people promote these days, I started searching our reliable friend, the Internet. I have the feeling I am the last person on Earth to look for this topic, as it has been so covered and so extensively detailed, it would take me days to enrich my musical culture, which seems poor, void and so outdated, I am ashamed. But maybe there is at least another person who feels like an alien whenever they hear sounds that can be attributed to Ska, Burger – Highlife (and I thought this is Burger King’s new marketing vision) and Schranz, so for the few non – extinct musical dinosaurs left in this world, I will list 3 less known music genres you should try. Just to pretend informed and updated.

3. Shoegaze

In the name of all alternative rock icons, who are these people? This is not a music genre per – se, it is a stage behavior, where the bands members stare at their shoes while they perform, contrary to everything brilliant and world-wide famous front-men ever stood for. I am looking at Bruce Dickinson, Till Lindemann, Steve Tyler, not to mention Freddy Mercury, among many, many others who, from some bizarre reason felt compelled to engage the audience. The shoegazers sing some form of alternative rock, a sub-alternative sub-genre, and their main feature is they have a fixation with the floor, probably for using just too many pedals. For further understanding of the phenomenon, My Bloody Valentine seems to fall into this category. Otherwise, they play alternative rock of some sort.

2. Nihilist suicide pop

How did I come up with this? Some time ago I was listening to an Italian band singing in English some extremely bizarre rock music combined with folk music and with some really freaky lyrics. They are called Spiritual Front, they sing since 1999, and, if you were not running away from meteorites or T-Rex predators back in 2005, this band’s song The Gift of Life appeared on the original score of  Saw II. Granted, their music is weird and interesting to listen if you can put up with the lyrics, but they describe themselves as singing “nihilist suicide pop”. Now imagine my surprise in finding there is such genre. Appertaining to only one band. So if you ever want to impress with your vast, dark, well-researched musical knowledge, say you listen to “nihilist suicide pop” and every human who understands the meaning of “pop” will crown you a king.

1. Pirate Metal and Wizard Rock

I’m sorry, this is the shampoo 2 in one kind of topic, because I can’t wrap my mind around the concepts that some bands play traditional metal about pirates, while the wizard rockers (and Ozzy Osbourne has nothing to do with them to my knowledge) sing about Harry Potter. And sometimes Gandalf. I would pay money to have a band sing about Smaug or Gollum, but that would then become the black metal of wizard rock.

Anyway. The sound is rock. Doesn’t matter what type of rock, as everything that matters is the topic of the songs. Pirates and Wizards. So Alestorm is actually a heavy metal band that calls its specific genre “True Scottish Pirate Metal” (snap!), while Harry and the Potters invented wizard rock, also known as wrock!

Now you are enlightened. Have fun with these less known music genres you should give a try and if you happen to like some (the wizard kids are cute), make sure you refer to them by their true name and sub-genre. Otherwise you will remain a dinosaur. Evolve!

Who Are the Funniest Black Metal Artists You Should Know About?

Do you like black metal and its variations, as music genre? No? Too loud and incomprehensible? Yes? Black poetry in sounds only the initiated can understand and feel? Are you even familiar with the modern black metal scene or its glorious representative veterans? We don’t want deny any black metal band’s artistic value and quality, as many of them have a lot of fans out there in the world, but today we will focus on their funny, a bit exaggerated and a bit ridiculous presence, as it was captured along the years in photo shootings or live performances.

Some black metal bands and artists go a bit over themselves when it comes to choosing outfits and attire and this is the main goal of today, presenting you with the funniest black metal artists you should know about in terms of…ridiculous looks…

Robert “Darken” Fudali a.k.a. Lord Wind

In the black metal scene, he is known as Lord Wind and his name is associated with the Polish musical project Graveland and many many others. However, Rob Darken is not only known for some neo-Nazi views and a history with some known bands, such as Infernum or Behemoth, among others, he is also known for picking up some funny (and ridiculous) outfits, a combination of medieval ages Mongolian conqueror, Jack Sparrow and a touch of Kiss.

Olve Eikemo a.k.a Abbath Doom Occulta a.k.a Abbath

You say Black Metal, we say Norway. Everybody knows that. So this guy, who happens to be lead singer and guitarist for the band Immortal, also happens to be among the funniest black metal artists you should know about, because it seems he just loves a cool photo shooting and never says “No” to one, otherwise is inexplicable the hallucinating number of mind – blowing hilarious photos he shows up in. You have to admit, the man really knows how to choose his badass outfits and make-up.

Handful Of Hate

Black metal music is full of strong feelings, like anger and hate, and when you look at these badass rockers you would never associate them with Italy, a country known for very jolly music and some opera masterpieces to enjoy at least once in a lifetime. But let’s not be led by prejudice and discrimination, Italy has quite the black metal scene and if you take a good look at this band’s members, you will understand why funny is an understatement. How mean is too mean, anyway? And how about opening a nail and chains factory after leaving the music scene?

Maniac. The guy from Mayhem

This one makes the lists of most ridiculous and funniest black metal artists you should know about for years. While not being too familiar with the genre, it’s impossible not to have heard about him or seen him somewhere. You know, back in the day, when lead vocal and lead show – man Till Lindemann from Rammstein was doing a lot of weird stuff in concerts, people were appalled and yet drawn to the brilliant freak show Rammstein pulls of in every concert. Maniac is actually an innocent child in comparison to Lindemann, as Maniac performs with chopped pig heads he sometimes licks on stage. Seriously? Have you seen a Rammstein concert? Now that is a show. What Maniac does can only be considered ridiculous, as the artistic values of the band still has to be discovered. But we said we won’t judge, so let’s move on…

Satanochio

From Romania with love, the country that made Dracula to become a universal cultural reference and a place of incredible beauty. And an incredible active black metal scene, as you can see from the picture. Don’t get us wrong, most black metal bands sing in English, and a few performing in their native language are not bad at all, but these guys deserve to be mentioned among the funniest black metal artists you should know about, not because they came up with a gorgeously profound and crazy name – combining Satan with Pinocchio go figure, – but because they look the way they do and the way they describe themselves – evil black metal. You can hear the laughter from Norway shattering windows all over Europe.

Luckily, the Internet is full of similar lists of funniest black metal artists you should know about, and you should really spend some time amusing yourself. Hey, maybe some actually sound good and you get to discover a new band to listen. Who knows?

Come Back, Jack! 5 Music Artists We Would Love to Resurrect

How bad did your heart feel when you heard about Michael Jackson’s demise? Are you still mourning for Amy Winehouse or Janis Joplin? Do you still wear T-Shirts saying “Lovers Forever” with the faces of Jim Morrison or Kurt Cobain printed on them? Is your musical world emptier, poorer and sadder without some great artists in it? If they could only come back from the dead…

We’re sure that some of you wouldn’t sell their soul to the devil only to have Jackson resurrected, while others will sign and seal an eternal contract with the dark planes just to see Joey Ramone perform on a stage one more time. Music is still a matter of taste and, not wanting to offense anybody, we will just list here the five music artists we would love to resurrect for the greater good of mankind. And music as an industry. And for everybody to stay happy, we’ll mention the legends, mostly. Other legends, besides Cobain and Morrison, of course.

5. Michael Jackson

Would be the world a better place if Michael would return? Perhaps if he could be resurrected in his early career years and prevented from becoming a constant source of mockery and public resentment because the way he ended up looking like. But for the music, yes, for the dancing, yes, for the charity and friendship he showed others? Definitely yes. Jackson is among the music artists we would love to resurrect because he was and still is an icon in pop – music and many others still would have a thing or two to learn from him.

4. Elvis Presley

Since everybody believes (or at least pretend they do) in second chances, why wouldn’t the King have his share of divine benevolence and come back from the dead (if no one minds, at the age when he could actually perform at his best, we don’t buy tickets to a cracked zombie’s show, do we?). But Elvis deserves to come back and Jailhouse Rock us once more. For the memory. And for the pelvis shake.

3. Joey Ramone

You may not be the punker older generations were, but Joey Ramone deserves a come – back. He represented everything you could label as “counterculture” back then, The Ramones are still considered one of the biggest bands that ever blessed a music scene, while Joey, may his sins be forgiven, could make an unforgettable show.

2. John Lennon

If anyone deserves to come back from the dead for a final show, that would be Lennon. An icon for music and for generations in a row, his life was cut short too fast, too brutally and too absurdly for him not to deserve a proper resurrection, at least for one last show. Imagine how that would be! And we want Lennon just the way he was, no modifications!

1. Freddy Mercury

People said it before and they will say it until the end of time: Bring Freddy Back! Bring one of the most talented, crazy, charismatic, original, psycho, eccentric and unique artists of all time. A voice and a performance that holds it ground still, after so many years, Freddy Mercury is the number one star we would love to resurrect, if not for him to rock us, at least to attend one of his one – man shows and start believing that everything must go on.

Bonus – Ozzy Osbourne

No, don’t fret, Ozzy didn’t leave us yet, but in case this happens (although rumors say he’s immortal), but if this happens, we want to be the first to open a free sign petition to send to whomever is responsible and have Ozzy brought back. No matter the age, he is badass anyway. So for your information, we include Ozzy among the greatest music artists we would love to resurrect, just to have all things cleared from the start.

If you have other resurrection proposals regarding musicians, we have a non-stop clerk who files petitions. So feel free to speak your mind.

5 Fake Music Bands We Wished Were for Real

You know when you see some movie that is music – centered or not, doesn’t really matter, but comes with a fake music band or artist you wished was for real? The subject has been debated before, granted, and there are also some bands that even if don’t officially exist, were created for marketing purposes only and became so popular, they actually sold tons of records. But the reason why we are going to expand on this topic is that we need a bit of a fresher perspective on the matters, as everybody knows about Spinal Tap, Sex Bob-Omb, School of Rock, Alvin & The Chipmunks (actually very big name in music) or Josie and the Pussycats, among many others.

So today we will present you with yet another list of fake music bands we wished were for real and which turned the movies they were presented in into awesome pieces of cinema, even if some were not your regular blockbusters.

1. The Soggy Bottom Boys – O Brother, Where Art Thou? (2000)

soggie bottom boys

Admit it, when you saw Clooney standing there singing I am a Man of Constant Sorrow MAKING THOSE FACES, you fell off your chair, paused the movie, rewind, started with the singing scene again only to have enough time to learn the lyrics and suffocate in laughter. This singing performance, together with the others shown in the movie made the entire film’s success (besides the brilliant plot and acting of all of them) and this specific soundtrack is still considered one of the best in cinema to date. So if this was the real band, some people would pay big money to see them live on a stage.

2. Stacee Jaxx/Arsenal – Rock of Ages (2012)

 Stacee Jaxx

Admit it ladies, when you saw Tom Cruise looking and performing rock music the way he did, you decided you’d become the most faithful groupie of all ages. Stacee Jaxx and the Arsenal is among those fake music bands we wished were for real only to remember the glorious days of the glorious 80′s rock music. Many people wondered who inspired Stacee Jaxx as a character and rocking sound and you can pretty much assume it was a little bit of everything, from Rolling Stones, to Guns’n'Roses, to Doors and, most importantly, these bands’ leading / superstar performers. Stacee Jaxx, if you’d be for real nowadays, you’d fill stadiums with the nostalgic.

3 & 4. The Barden Bellas and The Treblemakers – Pitch Perfect (2012)

barden bellas

treblemakers

Now considering these two college a cappella music bands, girls vs. boys, of course, managed to deliver a very nice movie about college competition, some love and some hero journey to self – development, we can honestly say that these can successfully make the list of fake bands we wished were for real. Honestly, wouldn’t you pay a ticket to see the Bellas (the new formation, of course, not the old uptight – housewife – prone to hysteria one) perform on stage, or the Treblemakers bringing a refreshing perspective of the old glorious age of pop boy-bands? And, since no instrument is involved and only voices mattering, it would be quite a change in assessing musical talent, scene – acting, coordination and artistic value. 

5. Where’s Fluffy – Nick and Norah’s Infinite Playlist (2008)

where's fluffy

If you didn’t see this movie yet, we recommend it for its cuteness and lightness, as is a sort of romantic comedy, with the plot is based on some mysterious band that should perform in a concert, while both Nick and Norah spend a crazy night trying to make it to the said musical performance. Spoilers don’t matter really at this point because the movie doesn’t hold some unspeakable secrets we swore not to reveal. Why would we wish Where’s Fluffy to be for real? Well, if the movie would be true, these guys would be like the hottest band that ever existed. A whole city would be desperately running around to get to their show. Everybody’s listening to them. So if they are so big, we want to hear them sing!

There are, of course, other fake music bands we wished were for real and we’re sure you have some of your own too. Those of you who’d die for the “Rock the Boat” bands to perform live, we understand you deeply, honestly.

 

5 Women Portrayed in Famous Songs We’d Like To Say a Few Words To

When it comes to music industry, great artists and performers, bands that are older and more established than time itself, it is hard not to find in their history as musicians at least one song about a particular girl or woman who either broke their hearts, is about to break their hearts or at least messed up with their lives completely. From the old and golden days of rock, to the modern pop music and post – modern trends in music, it was not only men who sang about some very special ladies featuring very special character traits or behaviors, but women too. Search all you want, look into archives, and see for yourself that there are at least a few women portrayed in famous songs that deserve a bit of attention, if not to find out who they are, at least to give them a piece of our mind.

So given the fact I personally love music and I can’t type a damn word without some tune pleasantly enveloping my brain, I decided that it was about time to look a bit deeper into the matters and browse some of my favorite lady – inspired songs and have the ladies hear my thoughts on them.

1. Michael Jackson’s (Dirty) Diana

Now Michael had some interesting relationships with women, both in his personal life and throughout his music. While he swore that Billie Jean’s baby wasn’t his, the boy had his eyes, so Billie Jean is off the hook for now, as who knows what they actually did on that dancing floor? But Dirty Diana? Lady, you are a shame to the female kind, stalking the superstar like that, scheming and plotting and making his official girl have a heart break (and attack, probably). You are one of the worst women portrayed in famous songs and if I wouldn’t be a dedicated Jackson fan until my last breath, I would skip this one every time it reaches my playlist.

dirty diana

2. Therapy’s Diane

Run, for God’s sake! The psycho has a knife and he kinda promises some rape and murder is almost granted in his sick mind. So Diane, dear, you made a famous song famous just because you are about to die every two lyrics. You’re young, you’re cute, seriously, does your mother know you’re dating murderous perverts?

diane

3. Eric Clapton’s Layla

Now you lady have some serious issues! And again, you shame the female kind with your games, bringing a man down to his knees to beg like that, to make a fool of himself, to be on the verge? Who taught you that, young lady? After all, you’ve kinda been dumped (no, I don’t believe Eric saying you got let down – your old man dumped your sorry pompous personality) and come on, woman, Eric Clapton! And you are the ones complaining men aren’t emotionally available, are twisted, confused, driven by ego and moody! You must be one of the most emotionally challenged women portrayed in famous songs! Shhiiish…

leyla

4. Dolly Parton’s Jolene

Jolene dear, I understand that you are a gorgeous woman, you have the features of a goddess and you are probably more of a woman than any other women out there, but don’t take Dolly’s man, for cryin out loud, she’s whining about it until time ends and if she had an ounce of brain she would end elegantly her unhappy relationship, as it is obviously her man is no longer with her in spirit (and I believe in body, either), and get a life for herself, far away from the guy who can’t make up his mind already. But both Dolly and her man seem incapable to take mature decisions, so Jolene, dear, find yourself another home to wreck, this one is just not worth it.

jolene

5. Rolling Stone’s Angie

Woman, what happened there? You were doing so fine! And you seem to be the victim here, despite your beauty, your bright spirit and your deep soul. Apparently despite all your efforts to keep the bum close to you, as he thinks it is time to say goodbye. Did he ask you first? Was it a mutual conclusion? Can’t this falling apart be solved somehow? Don’t you just stand there, do something about it! On the other hand, if you stay together he’d probably never get to sing this song so…. my heart is confused…

angie

I have others, don’t fret about it, but these were my first choices of women portrayed in famous songs that I needed to have a chat with. Feel free to add your own ladies to the list!