Top 10 Funny Bible Verses

Funny Bible Verses

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The Bible is a lecture able to tend all souls and it’s often a reading that many lost people turn to in need of guidance. It’s the most stolen book in the world, the most translated one, as well as one of the most massively printed one. Needless to say, it’s huge. Numerous people attempted to find hidden meanings underneath the writings and, centuries later, we are still trying to capture the purest significance of the words of the Scripture. Despite all the seriousness and profound meanings, there are still some funny Bible verses that will make us raise an eyebrow and go, “Huh?”

#1 “Happy shall they be who take your little ones and dash them against the rock!” – Psalm 137:9

In other words, bashing babies against rocks is a good thing. No, that’s not what we’re saying, but this is the literal meaning that someone might extract out of it. Obviously, we really shouldn’t be looking literally into this passage.

#2 “When two men are fighting and the wife of one of them intervenes to drag her husband clear of his opponent, if she puts out her hand and catches hold of the man by his privates, you must cut off her hand and show her no mercy.” – Deut. 25:11

The Bible preaches a lot about peace and forgiveness, but when a woman drags her husband away from a fight by his privates, this is when a line is crossed. You really need to appreciate how specific this scenario is.

#3 “And he went up from thence unto Bethel: and as he was going up by the way, there came forth little children out of the city, and mocked him, and said unto him, Go up, thou bald head; go up, thou bald head. And he turned back, and looked on them, and cursed them in the name of the LORD. And there came forth two she bears out of the wood, and tare forty and two children of them.” – 2 Kings 2:23-24

Long story short, Elijah is mocked by some children for his baldness. He curses them in the name of God, who then sends two bears to attack them. Don’t make fun of bald people.

#4 “It is better to live alone in the desert than with a crabby, complaining wife.” – Proverbs 21:19

What can we say? It seems like the motif of the nagging wife has been around for quite some time.

Funny Bible Verses

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#5 “Do not eat anything you find already dead. You may give it to an alien living in any of your towns and he may eat it, or you may sell it to a foreigner…” – Deuteronomy 14:21

Yeah, that’s right! Don’t eat any weird dead animals from a street, just sell them to a foreigner or your local alien citizen.

#6 “When the powerful horses went out, they were straining to go throughout the earth. And he said, “Go throughout the earth!” So they went throughout the earth.” – Zechariah 6:7

Apparently all it takes to go through the earth is some good motivation.

#7 “You also took the fine jewelry I gave you, the jewelry made of my gold and silver, and you made for yourself male idols and engaged in prostitution with them.”- Ezekiel 16:17

Don’t turn your jewelry into male idols.

#8 “Here she lusted after her lovers, whose genitals were like those of donkeys and whose emission was like that of horses.” – Ezekiel 23:20

Seems like Fifty Shades of Grey wasn’t here first.

#9 “As Paul spoke on and on, a young man named Eutychus, sitting on the windowsill, became very drowsy. Finally, he fell sound asleep and dropped three stories to his death below.” – Acts 20:9

Here’s an instance when someone’s speech quite literally bored another to death.

#10 “No one who has been emasculated by crushing or cutting may enter the assembly of the Lord.” – Deut. 23:1

We’re not laughing at the tragedy per se, but rather at the fact that emasculation through crushing was so common that it led to an entire demographic.