A few days ago I needed some less flattering images to accompany one of my articles, and some horrible things that literally made my eyes bleed. In many situations Google can be your best friend, because there is literally nothing you cannot find on it. The sad thing is that there are certain articles or images that are better left unseen. For example, if you ever search for a disease on Google, you will immediately wish you never did it, because the images are mortifying. It seems that everything related to medicine somehow leads to cancer, or is at least accompanied by a set of disgusting photos that will make you think that you’re probably gonna die, even if you’re only suffering from a cold. Because we don’t want you to go blind when looking for something online, we have compiled a list of things that you should NEVER, EVER search for on Google. Inspired by the “Type with your eyes closed” saying, here are ten terms you should not type in the damned search box.
10. The Death Clock
I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to know when I’m going to die. You’ve ignored us and searched for it anyway, right? We can also assume that you have already typed in your date of birth, data, and smoking habits, and the almighty internet has told you when you’ll be pushing up daisies, right? Despite the fact that the “smart” voice in the back of your head is saying that it’s illogical, you still can’t get it out of your head, can’t you?
9. “Lazy Sundays”
There are no words to describe this… Unless you are into old men, who enjoy “scrubbing” each other in the shower, you should try to stay away.
Disclaimer: Although we do not wish to include these sort of things in our list, the search phrase is pretty, innocent. When people think of lazy Sunday, something like this comes to mind:
The definition for this word in the Urban dictionary is:
“A group of middle-aged women on the internet who believe they are all married to Severus Snape from the Harry Potter books — on the astral plane. They have real-life meetings where they take turns channeling the spirit of Snape so they can have wedding ceremonies with him.”
Sounds fun, right? Wrong. There are images, there are videos, there are blogs… and there are feelings… so many feelings.
7. Bedbugs, and pretty much any type of home pest
All types of bugs (but bedbugs in particular) are disgusting, but knowing that these horrible insects share the bed with is, is just too much. Sometimes, we’re better off not knowing.
6. “My testicles hurt”
If you have any health problems related to the “embarrassing” part of your body, go to the medic! Yours is probably not the first pair of ball-sacks that he has ever seen, but you have probably not seen many others before (especially unhealthy ones), and chances are that you will faint in front of the PC.
5. Your Name
If you ever Google yourself you might have two of the following surprises:
1. There is no record of you online, and you will immediately feel like a complete and utter failure
2. You will find things about yourself that you wouldn’t have wanted to know.
Even if you’re curious, refrain yourself.
Google says that Elephantiasis is a skin diseases characterized by the thickening of underlying tissues, especially legs and male genitals. Although this probably gives you an idea of what you’re going to see, nothing will prepare you for the horror show unfolding on Google image.
3. Blue Waffle Disease
There is honestly no need to elaborate. Whatever you do, just don’t.
2. Tetris Fanfic
What could ever be wrong about googling Tetris? I mean, it’s Tetris, right? Wrong again. There is a type of pornographic fan fiction inspired by Tetris. It sounds something like this:
“I unbuttoned the blue pixel I had on my lower half and instructed her on the ways of foreplay. As her top pixel met my bottom pixel, I let out an ecstatic sigh. Such pleasure I had never experienced in my life …”
1. Tub Girl
Do you know the games where you have to concentrate really, really, really hard, and then a scary face appears out of nowhere and you fall of your chair crying? Tub girl is in some ways similar to those faces, because it manages to scare the life out of innocent people. If you haven’t seen it yet, don’t look it up, because your reaction might be similar to this guy’s.