Top 5 Star Wars Characters Recast

August 13, 2012 By This Blog Rules Guest Leave a Comment

If we were to recast the characters of Star Wars into new movies today, in what movies would they appear?

Darth Vader in “The Expendables III”

1. Darth Vader would reappear with the Joker, Hannibal Lecter, Lord Voldemort, Norman Bates and Michael Corleone as a part of the villainous recast of “The Expendables”.

Han Solo in “Armageddon Remade”

2. Han Solo would appear in “Armageddon Remade” in which Harrison Ford and Bruce Willis die in a fiery death together, saving the world from unknown asteroids and leaving young women swooning at their aging manliness.

Princess Leia in “Cathouse the Movie”

3. Princess Leia would star in a movie version of HBO’s series “Cathouse” wherein geeky young men would be able to not just “pretend” they were sleeping with Princess Leia, but would shockingly actually sleep with Princess Leia. Preferably the young version, right out of the movie.

Obi Wan in “Celebrity Rehab the Movie”

4. Obi Wan would reappear on a movie version of Dr. Drew, Celebrity Rehab, offering life counciling for those poor adrift celebs that can’t seem to get or stay straight. His sage wisdom may not have helped Anakin, but certainly the celebs should benefit from some “let the force be with you”.

Yoda in “ET II”

5. Yoda would join the cast of E.T. II saying things like “phone home, you must”. They would both ride off into the sunset together, moving to Massachusetts where they could have their relationship legally recognized. And, by the way, if that seems like “not that far of a stretch”, that’s because ET did actually appear in Star Wars Episode I The Phantom Menace.

Star Wars Condoms

April 6, 2012 By Vernon Gadson 1 Comment

Here’s a potentially amusing situation that could backfire like a dodgy blaster gun. Imagine this: your manly/nerdy self has been to a bar, hit on a smokin’ hot chick, wooed the pants off her and driven her back to your place. You guide her to the bedroom, slither under the covers with her and share a hurried and excited disrobing session. She asks if you have protection. “Yes, ma’am,” you reply, being a sensible lad, and reach into your pants pocket for your trusty wallet. You take out your wallet. You reach inside and find a condom. You remove the condom, place down your wallet, turn back to the patiently waiting lady, ready to “suit up,” and are faced with what can only be described as a look of repulsion and horror. Why this look? Because the woman you’ve just picked up, driven to your apartment, taken to your bed, stripped naked and sexually aroused is now looking into the vomit-tainted eyeballs of Jabba the Hutt. [Read more…]

10 movie sequels that were better than the original

January 28, 2011 By ThisBlogRules 20 Comments

It’s quite elusive for a sequel to outstrip its predecessor. Sequels are often panned for being lazy and derivative excuses to pinch more pennies out of an already exhausted idea. No matter how atrocious the predecessor is, if the cash is rolling in, a sequel more disastrous than its predecessor is probably in the pipeline. [Read more…]