There’s always one, isn’t there (or, if you’re lucky, perhaps two or three)? In any social environment there are always people who really get on everyone else’s nerves. Usually said people are spared the harshness of being told this outright (and even if they are it rarely changes things), but this small mercy certainly permits everyone else one thing: the right to complain about them as much as possible (but no bullying; that’s just not cool). Here is a light-hearted look at some of the worst offenders. Let the rage flow through you…
5. The Serial Coffee Drinker
The Serial Coffee Drinker is so jacked up on (hopefully) legal stimulants that they find it hard to come down again. While they may theoretically have more energy to get work down with, it’s rarely funnelled into their job; after all, The Serial Coffee Drinker can indulge in all forms of procrastination at double speed. Additionally there’s the constant getting up to go and get more coffee every half an hour or so; surely that has to waste some time? Pious Serial Tea Drinkers, while usually not quite as annoying as the coffee chuggers, need to remember that those mugs of tea they swill contain almost as much caffeine as a cup of coffee (in short, you’re not any better/less addicted than the rest of us).
4. The Comedian
They’ve attempted to build a reputation on being the office comedian… only they’re not. Heck, they’re not even funny most of the time, either telling jokes that are so hideously outdated they’re not even amusing ironically or so offensive that you honestly wonder why they’re still here. The Comedian can exhibit traits of most of the other top five most annoying types of co-worker, spending the majority of their time at the office desperately trying to induce laughter in their fellow employees (and not seeming to care when it sounds rather forced).
3. The Attention Seeker
Before you start making assumptions, this type can be of either gender. Whether they wander round dressed up to the nines (come on, now: this is only the office, not a catwalk) flirting with everybody or constantly turning the conversation round to their usually insignificant problems, The Attention Seeker has to be the centre of the office universe at all times. Failure to achieve the latter can be due to one of a number of factors: A) they’re sulking, B) they’re on a break or, everybody’s favourite: C) they’re not actually in the office at all today.
2. The Loud One
A close cousin of The Attention Seeker, The Loud One has to make all their feelings and opinions known by everyone within easy earshot (and often beyond). Somehow they are rarely ever told to be quiet (probably because they’re chummy with the boss), and will often continue talking even if there’s blatantly nobody listening to them. If you happen to try and engage them in conversation then chances are they will always steer the conversation back to them or start talking over you until they have. Wonder how loud they’d be if left to clean the serviced offices all alone after work…
1. The Hoverer
Hoverers hover for a number of reasons. They may be lonely, bored or just really, really like you (try to feel flattered and not scared). Whatever their reason, they seem to not be particularly bothered with invading your personal space or wasting their own work time doing so. While most Hoverers are merely pests who are eventually forced to retreat of their own accord, sometimes more senior staff members can exhibit the traits of the Hoverer (and then it’s far more scary having them peering over your shoulder and scrutinising what you are – or aren’t – doing).
Ella insists that she doesn’t know any examples of these exasperating office denizens in real life. Honest.