It’s important to remember that not all dog “haircuts” are deliberate. For example, if you ever see a dog with dreadlocks…that’s probably a Komondor. It has that coat to protect it from wolves.
These, on the other hand, are deliberate. In fact, some of these are actually photos of the same poodle named Cindy. She’s the one with the thousand yard stare, pleading to God to end her suffering.
So…you wanted to make your dog look like a buffalo complete with bloody handprint because…you hate Native Americans? You hate dogs? Both? Help us out here, crazy groomer person.
19. Shih Tzu Dreads
This is a not a Komondor. This is a Shih Tzu. This is an extremely unhappy Shih Tzu.
This dog is not proud to be your Bud. Especially since it seems Saturday Night Live’s Pat has retired from “comedy” and gone into torturing animals.
We think the look of resignation and sadness on this dog’s face really says it all. And what the hell is that on its back? Fried eggs?
16. Tie Dye
“She’s done this to us for the last time, Jeremy. When you see the signal, go for the throat and then run.”
A little known quote by Mark Twain: “Do not try to give your dog a fade. It wastes time and makes the terrier you inflicted it on a sad puppy, you monster.”
Gah! What the hell is that, and why did you glue it to a dog?
This does not get the high score, unless you’re adding bonus points for shame and humiliation.
The dog here is giving that girl one of two looks: either “Save me” or “Why did you betray me, oh loving master?”
“Oh, great, you’ve made me into a panda. That’s just wonderful. Can we make this any tackier? Oh, you brought some bamboo, for set dressing. How cute. I wish you people had been neutered instead of me.”
On the bright side, at least the owner didn’t dress herself in a belly dancing costume or put up a little set labeled “Arabian Nights”.
We thought that this couldn’t be more humiliating, and then somebody helpfully pointed out that it could be a lot worse. How, you ask? It could be a Cleveland Browns uniform.
“Why did you make me a snail? I am not a snail. I don’t even like snails! Can we just go outside and play catch like a normal human and dog? Please? Anybody?”
“I wish I was puffing the magic dragon right now.”
The first time Muffin looked in the mirror, she understood why her master’s husband drank so much.
You know what really makes this photo awful? If you look closely, you realize this poor dog has not only been subjected to this haircut, but has also had her nails painted.
“Boy, I just had to laugh at the poodle, didn’t I? ‘Oh, that’ll never happen to me! I’m not ugly enough! My owner would never dye my hair or make me look stupid to win a pointless trophy!’ I bet Butch never has to put up with this.”
3. Ninja Turtle
At least the mask hides their shame.
“It’s bad enough the kid tries to ride me like a pony, you have to go and encourage him?!”
Max’s disguise was finally complete: the gigantic cats in the zoo were about to learn what happened when a real dog came to tree them.
By Dan Seitz