Keeping up with fashion is something which people all over the world like to do. The only problem is that in some places their idea of fashion is, quite frankly, a disaster. I am not normally one to mock other people’s appearance but the following fashion disasters are just crying out to be mocked by someone, so it might as well be me.
The Facekini, China
This is a brilliant idea all the way from China. If you are fed up with showing off too much of your face then put on a facekini. Look at the weird guy in the background with an obscenely naked face. Shame on him. The Chinese place a lot of importance on keeping their skin pale looking, I am told, so this massive fashion fail is really designed to stop the evil sun doing its dirty business and giving them a – gasp! – tan.
Matching Partners, Korea
Is there a sadder fashion disaster than stepping out with exactly the same clothes on as your partner? This is apparently a popular trend in Korea these days. What if you break up, though? Do you each need to throw out your entire wardrobe of pathetic matching costumes?
Eye Implants, Holland
I don’t know about you, but I sometimes worry that my eyes aren’t heavily decorated enough. When you think about it you have to admit that evolution kind of sucks. It gave us these stupid things for looking with and then forgot to put little jewels and stuff on them. If the whites of your eyes are too dull for you then go to Holland and get some eye jewellery added to them. These implants are made of platinum alloy and cost about $, 1000 each.
Pointy Boots, Mexico
Who knew that Mexicans had such bad taste in footwear? I had always thought they were kind of cool when it came to choosing shoes. That’s another bubble burst for me. Anyway, these utter fashion disasters are some form of elf shoes and it seems as though they are really popular in everyone’s second favourite North American country now. Why?
Bandaged Faces and Bodies, Japan
If you want weird fashion you go to Japan. These young ladies probably think that they look rather fetching with their eye patches and their bandages on. They don’t; they look completely ridiculous. I once had a plaster cast on my leg after a hilarious football accident (2 decades later and everyone I know still thinks it is hilarious so it must have been good). I didn’t realise that I was just paving the way for a new fashion trend or I might have tried to mess up both legs at the same time.
Saline Filled Head, Japan
We’re back in Japan again, aren’t we? This is quite simply the most ridiculous thing I have ever seen in my life, and I speak as someone who used to watch Dallas and Dynasty regularly. A current fashion disaster in Japan involves getting saline injected into your forehead to give you temporary lumps there. Why? Because having a lumpy forehead is astonishingly cool, you unhip fool you. What happens if you fall over and bump your head? Does the lump move all the way round the back of your head or does the skin burst while all of that lovely saline floods out? I would worry about things like this if I ever got this done to my ugly, lump free forehead.