Star Wars Condoms

Here’s a potentially amusing situation that could backfire like a dodgy blaster gun. Imagine this: your manly/nerdy self has been to a bar, hit on a smokin’ hot chick, wooed the pants off her and driven her back to your place. You guide her to the bedroom, slither under the covers with her and share a hurried and excited disrobing session. She asks if you have protection. “Yes, ma’am,” you reply, being a sensible lad, and reach into your pants pocket for your trusty wallet. You take out your wallet. You reach inside and find a condom. You remove the condom, place down your wallet, turn back to the patiently waiting lady, ready to “suit up,” and are faced with what can only be described as a look of repulsion and horror. Why this look? Because the woman you’ve just picked up, driven to your apartment, taken to your bed, stripped naked and sexually aroused is now looking into the vomit-tainted eyeballs of Jabba the Hutt.

Well, at least that’s the reaction you would get if the bar in which you picked up your newfound lady friend wasn’t situated beside a sci-fi convention, and if Milan designer Benedetto Papi had decided to use that slug-bodied swine Jabba in his “Star Wars”-themed condom wrapper designs. Thankfully, he hasn’t, although you may recognise some of your other favourite characters in the designs below, from both the Dark and Light Side of the Force, complete with ingeniously appropriate quotes from the epic space opera saga (as you can probably decipher from this, Chewie ain’t in there).

Unfortunately, these were posted online by Papi merely for a bit of cheeky fun and are thus not available in a store near you, although, who knows, they may have been a long, long time ago in a galaxy far, far away.

Oh, one more thing: I believe Mr Papi missed out on a brilliant opportunity here for a slight product enhancement, namely making the condoms glow-in-the-dark – that could have made for some truly awesome lightsaber duels.


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