The Strange Accessories That Virtually Guarantee a Disastrous Christmas

Is it time yet to go stark raving bonkers and feverishly buy anything Christmas-related we can get our hands on?

There’s still some time to go before Christmas but it seems safe to suggest that you already know that the festive season is going to be a disaster. Why? Because you love strange Christmas accessories like these.

The Santa Whisky Dispenser

Strange Accessories and Disastrous Christmas

This festive abomination is wrong on so many levels that it is hard to know where to begin. Ok, for a start you know that letting the whisky flow freely over Christmas is a passport to vomit in the turkey and people scrabbling about on the floor fighting after lunch, don’t you? Then there’s the fact that the alcohol liquid is being squirted (somewhat forcefully, I might add) out of his private parts. This is all going to end messily.

An Unusual Christmas Decoration

Strange Accessories and Disastrous Christmas

There are some things in life that are worth experimenting with. Pasta, for example. Why not try adding some extra cheese to your Carbonara or stick some olives in your Bolognese? There is little to nothing that can go wrong. However, when we cast our world-weary glance at Christmas decorations we can see that most innovations aren’t so smart. Adding your car to the Christmas display outside your home is certainly ground-breaking but trust me on this one; stick to the damned pasta if you don’t want a disastrous Christmas.

Strange Christmas Music

Strange Accessories and Disastrous Christmas

Scientists have already confirmed that festive music is officially the worst thing ever invented by mankind. If you really want to torture your loved ones with some Christmas tunes then be sure to stay away from twee horrors like this one.

The Baby Christmas Tree

Strange Accessories and Disastrous Christmas

If the little fellow is celebrating his first Christmas you’ll want him to feel part of this special occasion. I know, why not cram him inside an infeasible Christmas tree outfit? You can guarantee that within 10 minutes he will fall over and start crying, causing everyone to get a headache and sucking the life out of the festive season.

A Christmas Poo for a Christmas Disaster

Strange Accessories and Disastrous Christmas

There is nothing quite like a poo hanging off your tree to get you in the festive spirit, is there? You can just imagine the look of delight on the kids’ faces when they run excitedly downstairs on a frosty Christmas morn and see this charmingly brown Christmas accessory staring them in the face.

A Christmas Chicken

Strange Accessories and Disastrous Christmas 

If there is one thing that screams “Merry Christmas” to me it is a rubber chicken. Preferably with a Santa suit on. This is quite simply a bizarre and frankly unwanted way of celebrating the festive season. The only reassuring thing about it is the fact that the box proudly states “actual size”.  Yeah, because a slightly smaller rubbed chicken decoration would just totally ruin Christmas for everyone.  It’s almost enough to have you heading straight to Santa’s genitals for another whisky.

A Christmas Tree Hat

Strange Accessories and Disastrous Christmas

Putting a silly hat on your head is a fantastic way of saying to the world, “Hey, I’m utterly wacky and I don’t care who knows about it”. If you want to look like a fool over Christmas lunch then there are few better ways of doing it.

Christmas Dinner in a Can

Strange Accessories and Disastrous Christmas

If life has taught us one thing by now it is that a self-heating Christmas dinner in a can is not going to end well. This is a festive disaster just waiting to happen.

Leave a Reply