We all know it’s hard to refrain yourself from buying stuff you already have. And it’s equally hard to say no to school supplies that no one really needs. Including you. You know you’re not going to use half of the stuff you buy before school starts in August. And if you’re wondering about the use of the other half, that’s just supplies you already have. We inevitably get sucked in by the flashy ads. And, of course, there’s peer pressure, the consumerist society we live in tapping into our subconscious, resulting in the irresistible urge to buy all the stuff. That got very dark very fast. Let’s just jump into shiny useless school supplies.
1. The pencil broom
Buy this if you want your grandma (or even your mom or dad) go “Back in my day…” And they’re right! Even nowadays this is utterly useless and a waste of good materials. Unless you want to use it for cleaning your laptop’s keyboard, this one should stay on Target’s shelves and not come back home with you.
2. The cup clip
I get very nervous just by looking at this photo and imagining all the scalding scenarios that could happen involving some pipping hot coffee and a bare foot. Why make things awkward and unnerving when you could just simply place your cup on the desk, like the rest of us?
3. The school lunch erasers
I used to have a drawer full of school lunch erasers. And toy car erasers. Then there were the Pokemon erasers and then the animal erasers. Which smelled like lavender and stained your page purple. So better steer away from erasers that are shaped in any other way than an eraser should be shaped: square.
4. The vitamin highlighters
Unless you’re three, you don’t need these. And even then, you wouldn’t be allowed to use them because they’re a chocking hazard, read the label! And before you start arguing they’ll help you highlight things on your textbooks and you’ll be able to remember stuff faster, and you’ll get better grades and get into the uni you want, stop kidding yourself. No one can hold these microscopic things.
5. Nose Pencil Sharpener
Let’s put it like this: if you want to make friends, don’t buy this. If you want to have a date for prom, don’t buy this. If you want to ever have someone give you their homework, don’t buy this. If you want to have a shot at a decent high school life, do not, I repeat, do not buy this!
6. The Mini Shopping Cart Organizer
What happened with regular organizers? No one used those either, but at least you never had a doubt about their purpose in life. Kids nowadays are all about repurposing, reenvisioning and reconstructing. You couldn’t fit anything in it anyway, you might as well keep your pens all scattered on your desk.
7. The Wind-Up Paper Shredder
Leaving aside the fact that this “shredder” couldn’t handle a square of toilet paper, my bigger question is why would you need this in the first place? If you need to shred paper on a daily basis, you probably have an automatic device taking care of destroying evidence. So stick to that and don’t give in to the need to buy more unnecessary stuff.
8. The Catapult Pencil
This one is actually cool. It’s so cool, it will probably get in you detention from the first day of school. That’s the main reason that should keep you from buying this. But if you feel adventurous, and you can justify spending $7 on it, think of your fellow students who use improvised devices for pranking colleagues. A moment of silence.