The Ten Stupidest Crotch-Centered Men’s Costumes

Halloween 2010 may be over, but the celebration of egregious Halloween costumes lasts forever. Halloween is a great holiday for jerks because it’s the one time of year when all women dress sexily and you can hit on them, because the costume covers your gross physical deformities, and you can pass off your utter lack of decency as a character you’re playing. Fortunately, as much as they enjoy ruining women’s self-esteem, the costumers of America at least also have the decency to create costumes to allow women to easily identify idiots. Such as!

#10) Breathalyzer

Combining “Women are too stupid to realize it’s my whanger” comedy with a pun on a common sexual act. We’d golf clap, but we’re too busy planning on where to run you over as you go home alone.

#9) Hung Like a Horse


Because there’s nothing like strapping a Muppet to your groin to render you sexually attractive. Also, is it us, or is this one of the laziest costumes ever made? How many losers show up in a suit and this thinking it’s hilarious?

#8) Anita Waxin


Because nothing’s funnier than gag bush on a crappy cross-dressing costume that makes it look like you waxed your upper thighs.

#7) The Biggest Show on Earth


So, wait…you want women to think there’s a circus that worships your grey, deformed, alien looking John Thomas? This is your plan to get laid? Thank God you’ll never breed.

#6) Ollie Ostrich


What’s sad is that we’re really not sure if this was supposed to be a crotch joke, or just turned out to be one.

#5) Snake Charmer

Hey, can we combine stupid penis jokes AND racism? You bet! Wear this to impress that Indian chick you’ve been trying to seduce by calling her Kelly Kapoor!

#4) Genie in a Lamp Costume


Shouldn’t that read “Kick Me?”

#3) Nasty Banana


So, the idea is to…haunt her nightmares with images of crazed rapist bananas?

#2) Firefighter with Big Hose


“Ladies! My urine stream is so forceful it can knock people over, and is controlled by a valve! Love me!”

#1) Department of Erections


Some call the pun the lowest form of humor, which we think we’ve amply disproven here. We see the pun has suffered great and painful abuse at the hands of those who would mistreat it. Pity the pun, as it struggles under the weight of costumes like this. Does the pun really deserve such punishm-

[Ed. Note: for building up to that joke, the writer has been taken out back and shot. Thank you for reading.]

Article by Dan Seitz


  1. Some of these were ridiculous, but the Genie costume was pretty funny, you have to admit. As was the circus.

    The article reads like it’s written by someone who’s gotten rejected over a jerk one too many times…

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