The Ten Most Torturous Drinking Games

We here at TBR do not endorse drinking games because of the pain they cause. Spilling beer is a tragic, terrible thing and should be properly mourned.

Also, getting blackout drunk is really freaking stupid. Seriously. If you’re lucky, you wake up naked covered in magic marker. If you’re unlucky, you get taken to the hospital to experience the joys of having a tube rammed down your throat to suck out the contents of your stomach. It’s less fun than it sounds.

So, drink responsibly. Or practice before playing these ten lesser-known drinking games.

1. Baseball

How to Play:
Line up four shots of beer in a line. Get a quarter. Huck at shotglasses.

Why It’s Torturous:
If you sink a shot in the line, you have to drink the ones behind it: if you get a quarter into the first glass, that’s three shots. If you get a home run, the other team drinks. In short, you will be doing lots and lots of beer shots. And then probably doing lots and lots of vomiting: be sure to clean that quarter, kiddies!

2. Drunken Chess

How to Play:
Buy 6 different kinds of beer: a 30-rack of cheap swill, three six packs of decent beer, and two forties.

Lay out your “chess board” in the typical manner, big enough to accommodate a forty. Using a sharpie, mark the cheap stuff as your pawns, two beers from each six pack as your rooks, bishops and knights, and the two forties as your king and queen.

Then start playing chess. With each piece you move, sip from the beer. When your piece is captured, you drink it.

Why It’s Torturous:
Ever play chess? You’ll be slugging down at least a six pack, more if you’re a bad player and the other guy is feeling sadistic. Real monsters introduce forfeit rules that don’t let you get up to pee.

3. The Tower

How to Play:
Get a shot, a mixed drink, a glass of wine, and a twelve ounce beer. Stack them, using beer coasters. Then, roll a dice: whoever gets a six drinks the top of the tower. Repeat.

Why It’s Torturous:
This is less for the drunkenness factor and more for the spill factor: if you knock over the tower, for any reason, you’re not only building a new one, you’re drinking anything left standing. Beer before liquor…

4. Kings and Blood

How to Play:
Pretty simple: put a large pitcher in the center of the table. Arrange your victims around it. Then, start drawing playing cards. Black cards don’t drink. Red cards do. Kings can add any liquor they want to the pitcher. Except for the fourth king. He has to drink all of it.

Why It’s Torturous:
This pretty much turns into “Gorilla” pretty fast, but it’s that fourth king who’s really in for it. Ever had a whole pitcher of beer with a bourbon, a shot of vodka, and a peppermint schnapps poured in it?

5. Death Ring

How to Play:
Get some friends in a circle, shuffle together two packs of cards, and then draw a card. The person next to you draws. Does the suit match? Pick the highest face value, and drink that many sips. Do the face values match? Drink the number of sips. Do both match? Person number three gets to count the face value out while you drink…and they can do it as quickly or as slowly as they want.

Why It’s Torturous:
Rings of seven people all having to drink ten sips are…not uncommon. It’s a game that will get you wasted quickly, and probably erode your dignity just as quickly.

6. Red and Black

How to Play:
Take a deck of cards and a group of people. Start by guessing the color of the top card. If you’re right, go again. If you’re wrong, shot. If you get three right in a row, you can create any rule you want. One thing you can’t do? Write any rules down.

Why It’s Torturous:
Really, it’s the “create any rule you want” thing that’s the problem. Violate a rule and do a shot. And it’s fairly easy to hit three cards in a row, so this game gets sadistic fast.

7. Century Club

How to Play:
Every minute, for 100 minutes, do a shot of beer. Miss a minute and you have to do two.

Why It’s Torturous:
If you’re perfectly on time, drinking one ounce of beer, you’ll have consumed 100 ounces of beer in an hour and a half. That would be roughly eight beers with a little extra on top. Have fun!

8. Liar’s Dice

How to Play:
Red Dead Redemption fans will be familiar with this one: you put two dice in a cup, rattle them, and slam them on the table. As the cup goes around, the idea is to get a higher and higher number…or at least trick your friends into thinking you did. Doubles of any number equal 100 times the face: i.e. snake eyes is a score of 100.

Why It’s Torturous:
You never know who’s going to get the shot with each round. Or, for that matter, who’s bluffing. Oh, and it gets worse the more you drink. Have fun!

9. Beat the Barman

How to Play:
Order a shot. Pay for it with too much money, requiring change. Do the shot while they’re turned away, and when they come back with your change, order another shot.

Why It’s Torturous:
Ever been at a bar where the bar staff hate you? Play this game, and you’ll quickly learn it’s not nearly as much fun as it sounds. You win by closing down the bar. You draw by getting thrown out or punched out, and lose by passing out.

10. Gorilla

How to Play:
At the end of the night, take the bartender’s mat. Place it over a glass. Squeeze. Drink.

Why It’s Torturous:
Self-explanatory.

by Dan Seitz

Comments

  1. Check out Battleshots! It’s based on Battleship, fun as hell and easy to get girls to play!

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