I think I can safely say that most of us wanted to be a superhero at some point in our lives. In fact, some of us still do.
I can recall spending hours with my underpants over my trousers and my blanket tied around my neck as I saved the world as a particularly short and scrawny version of Superman. However, not all superheroes are endowed with useful superpowers like everyone’s favourite Kryptonian. In fact, some of them have been cursed with superpowers which I would rather avoid.
Eat All You Can See – Matter Eater Lad
The power to eat any type of matter no matter how inedible it appears would be a wonderful ability to have when I visit my in-laws for Sunday lunch but I can’t think of many other uses for it. This rather limited superhero was originally called Tenzil Kem and he comes from a planet called Bismoll. He was included in the Legion of Superheroes but kind of faded out when the writers of the comics discovered that this lame superpower was rather boring and not all useful when it came to writing exciting stories about superheroes battling against evil villains.
Transmute Chemical Elements and Save the World – Element Lad
You want to fly like the wind, don’t you? Maybe you also want to be able to see through solid buildings and lift things which weigh 100 times more than you do. These are all great superpowers but would you also be interested in transmuting chemical elements? It may be a great thing to be able to do in real life but this has got to be one of the worst superhero powers around and Element Lad is unlikely to impress Catwoman or Wonder Woman with his powers. He was originally called Mystery Lad and if we are being honest he would better keeping his feeble powers as a mystery from the world.
Bounce Like a Ball – Bouncing Boy
When you are confronted by a baddie who is planning to destroy the world the ability to turn yourself into a giant ball probably isn’t the first thing you would wish for. Yet, the apparently rather pathetic superpowers of Bouncing Boy actually help him forge a decent career as a superhero. If you want to bounce like a superhero then you need to drink a super plastic formula and wait until you feel those superpowers turning you into a round, bouncy thing. Not the worst superhero powers around but far from the best either.
Dreams Can Come True – Tildie Soames
As well as having one of the worst names in the history of comics, the character called Tildie Soames also has a bizarre superpower. You see, her nightmares come true. Eh? What is good about that? I had a recurring nightmare about my trousers falling down on the train when I was a kid and if it had come true no one would have pointed at me and said, “Look! A superhero with amazing superpowers”. No, they would have said, “Look! A boy whose trousers have fallen down in public and who shall never be allowed to forget it for the rest of his life”.
Be Water, My Friend – Wonder Twins
Having a twin who is also a superhero sounds like a nice idea. However, while one of the Wonder Twins can turn into an animal the other one has to settle for turning into water. Sure, he can turn into water in any of its many exciting states but it is still the second best type of superpower in the family, isn’t it? While his twin is prowling around like a lion or sailing like a whale the other one has to be content with turning himself into rain or ice or something else equally dull and watery.