As the holiday season approaches, you might have some children in your life who are asking for Barbies, or Disney Princesses, or Transformers, or Star Wars action figures. Instead of supporting an interest in Barbie (whose physique defies all natural laws), or the princesses (who set feminism back about a gazillion years), or in a franchise that gets lamer and lamer by the moment (I blame it on Jar Jar) why not buy that special someone a historical, literary, or real-life-celebrating action figure instead?
Historical Action Figures
OK, so maybe Alexander the Great wasn’t the NICEST guy in the world, but he was pretty smart and pretty tough. Maybe he’s a good substitute for a Transformer, or GI Joe (do they even still sell those?). This toy also comes with battle armor:
Or, if he’s not your cup of tea, perhaps a strong female character would make a good gift.
Anne Bonny was a female pirate. Not sure if it’s a better message to kids to give them the action figure of a woman who stole and plundered for fun, or for a vapid-headed princess who’s willing to lose her own voice so she can be with a man. Hm. Tough call.
Annie Oakley was the first female superstar in American (thanks, Wikipedia!) and she could hit a target shooting behind her back with a mirror. That’s why THIS toy comes with a mirror. And that’s also why she’s holding her gun backwards. In case you were wondering.
Edward Teach, aka Blackbeard, was not such a bad guy. A kinder, gentler pirate, if you will. Just thought you should know.
And she never really did say, “Let them eat cake,” you know. This fun toy comes with a removable wig (to show how she must have looked BEFORE they cut her head off) and her head is removable too. So, she’s fun AND educational! Who doesn’t want a Marie Antoinette Toy?
Just don’t punch him in the stomach. Houdini.
Is this the same toy? I guess so. Hours of entertainment!
Famous clown named J.P. Patches. Scared of clowns. Moving on…
Freud! Just in time to help me get over my clown fears.
Jung, just in time to tell Freud he’s being a bummer.
Good old Benjamin Franklin. Even though he’s one of the greatest figures in American history, my grandma didn’t like him because she said he used to sit around naked. First off, what’s wrong with that? Second, how did she know that?
Literary Action Figures
“Hey, it’s me! Charles Dickens! I wrote such classics as A Christmas Carol, Oliver Twist, Great Expectations, and more! I also helped found and run a home for fallen women! Yay me!”
“It’s me, Jane Austen! I wrote Sense and Sensibility, Northanger Abbey, and lots more, and likely died of Bovine Tuberculosis! I trust that you won’t doubt my power to bring universal pleasure.”
“I’m William Shakespeare. And you’re not.”
“I’m Oscar Wilde. And I DIDN’T die of Syphilis!”
Historical Musical People Action Figures
“It’s me, Bach, saying if it ain’t Baroque, don’t fix it!”
“I’m Beethoven. I rocked. I likely died of lead poisoning, and I could compose and play the piano even after I lost my hearing!”
“I’m Mozart! The movie about me was way better than the movie about Beethoven!”
For any of the above characters, you can download the template for this foldable piano.
“I’m Wagner. If it weren’t for that crazy King Ludwig, I might have been exiled forever!”
Moses’ special collectors edition sandals can also be yours for just $19.99!
You can go with the standard Jesus…
Or the Deluxe Miracle Jesus, complete with jugs for water and wine, loaves and fishes, and glowing magic hands.
Real Life People
For the librarian in your life – the Librarian Action Figure.
For the BETTER librarian in your life – the Deluxe Librarian Action Figure.
To remind your kids to respect those unsung heroes of the lunchroom.
What do you mean “Sherlock Holmes isn’t real?” What.Ev.Er.
Because this is what happens when you watch too many Disney movies and play with Barbies, kids.
And finally, for that special kid who knows he wants to be a marketing guru someday – Seth Godin! Woo hoo!
All these fine action figures, along with a lot more neat stuff, can be found at Archie McPhee
Article by Lizaio