Top Movies That Won’t Get You Laid

Anything by Sasha Baren Cohen.

Borat Swimsuit


Yes, he’s married to the hot woman from Wedding Crashers, but he also writes and directs movies  with lots of “wang”.  Farting and penis jokes aside, Sasha’s movies are crude and they abound with low brow humor.

Om nom nom.

Om nom nom.


Movies with sexual jokes can be a turn on for sure.  But when the movie opens with a scene about rimming, and the disgusting

reasons it isn’t always a good idea, awkward doesn’t quite cover it.

Anything with Alien Chest Bursting or Demonic Possession

Nothing says sexy like an critter bursting from a main character’s chest.  Avoid Prometheus, Instinct,

Chest Burst from aliens won't get you laid

Worst moment in the film to pull the ‘ol’penis in the popcorn’ trick.

Predator and anything from HR Giger. Projectile vomiting and spinning heads are also “Not Sexy.”

Train Spotting, Requiem for a Dream, and Gummo

Requiem for not getting laid

I can hear the ocean.

These druggie, trashy, dirty movies leave you more likely to go home to get a shower than set for a night of getting it on.  And that was before the rats and bed wetting.

Blue Valentine

Love story gone wrong combined with all of the reasons not to have sex.  Not first date material.  Add to this any movie with a unplanned pregnancy because nothing says mood killer like morning sickness, pregnant moms, and abortion conversations.  Also off the list, any movie with STDs, Death by jealous girlfriend, and tragic rape movies.

Blue Valentine won't get you laid

Hey Baby Cakes, Let’s become trash over time together.

Add to our list any movies you can think of that serve as a cinematic cock block or help us build the top list of movies that will get you laid.


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