The Worst Poetry in the World

There are good poems and there are bad poems in the world. Then there is the worst poetry in the world on a whole different level of its own. These are the poems that make your eyes bleed and make you want to forget all the words you have ever learned.

My Heart is a Wiffle Ball / Freedom Pole – Kristen Stewart

I reared digital moonlight

You read its clock, scrawled neon across that black

Worst Poetry in the World

The readers of Marie Claire magazine were deeply honoured to be able to read all of Kristen Stewart’s bold attempt at writing the world’s worst poem. She said that doesn’t want to sound “f**king utterly pretentious” but that after writing her delicious poems she thinks, “Holy f**k, that’s crazy”. With those delightful turns of phrase and imaginative use of vocabulary it is easy to see why she writes poetry.

The Tay Bridge Disaster – William McGonagall

For the stronger we our houses do build

The less chance we have of being killed.

Worst Poetry in the World

Scottish poet McGonagall is widely regarded as being the worst poet to have ever written horrible stuff on pieces of paper in an overly earnest way. His Tay Bridge Disaster is a genuine disaster and is often called the worst poem of all time. Oh I don’t know, a lady called Jennifer might have a thing or two to say about that.

Lucky in Love – Jennifer Aniston

You’ve brought luck to love

I’ve been hit by a truck in love

Worst Poetry in the World

Anyone who has ever been hit by a truck in love – and I think it’s safe to say we have all been at some point – knows exactly what Jen is getting at in this profound poem. She’s telling us that when someone brings you luck in love you can expect to get smashed by a heavy goods vehicle before they dump you. She wrote it as a tribute to the charming and not at all sleazy slimeball John Mayer.

Remembrance of Who I am – Britney Spears

You trick me one, twice, now it’s three

Look who’s smiling now /Damn, it’s good to be me!

The Worst Poetry in the World 

Ah Britney, you had the world at your feet and you tripped up and fell over it. Hit Me Baby One More Time was clearly a word of dark, twisted, poetic genius. However, this cringe inducing poem is just awful. It might not be the worst poetry in the world ever but it has got to be in the top ten.

A Poem for Dzhokhar- Amanda Palmer

You don’t know how orgasmic the act of taking in a lungful of oxygen is

Until they hold your head under the water

Worst Poetry in the World

Is it time to be controversial yet? As this is now the 21st century I reckon that it’s safe to say that I really don’t like Shakespeare’s poems at all. We all know phrases from his works, like “star cross lovers”, “all that glitters is not gold” and “a gangster’s paradise”. Hang on, that was Coolio, wasn’t it? Bill wrote about “a fool’s paradise”. He is said to have contributed more phrases to the English language than anyone else. That was nice of him but I still don’t like his poems. Having said that, next to Amanda Palmer the Bard looks like, actually, he looks like Shakespeare.

A Dog Named Beau – Jimmy Stewart

He’d dig up a rosebush just to spite me

And when I’d grab him, he’d turn to bite me.

Worst Poetry in the World

Jimmy Stewart turned up on the Tonight Show with Johnny Carson to delight the watching world with a hideous poem about his dead dog. It was gruesome stuff.

A Tragedy – Theophile Jules-Henri Marzials

Drop

Dead

Plop, flop

Plop

Worst Poetry in the World

Some people have called this the single worst line from a poem in history. It’s really hard to build up a convincing case to suggest otherwise.

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