Your Last Words: How Your Social Network Will Determine Your Legacy

The Internet has given us new ways to communicate to the world. It has changed how we live, but it will also change how we die. Before the Internet people had to read the obituaries in the newspapers or wait for a letter to learn an old friend had died. Now you can use your social network to know whether they are still breathing (and, no doubt, there is an app that can broadcast that fact).

This medium allows you to give some encouraging last words to the world that will live on permanently on the Internet. However, like the first time you were tagged half naked in the photos of a kegger after friending your grandma on Facebook, it has its downside as well..

1. Twitter

How You Imagine You Would Die: Get cancer, get large following of supportive stranger followers.

What You Imagine You’ll Say: You’ll Give You Followers a final, witty goodbye.

What Will Actually Happen: You’ll get hit while updating and walking into traffic

What Your Actually Last Words Will Be: “LOL, gr8t sushi, walking to Starbucks for Frappe! So delish!! #YummyinTummy”

#Dumbass

2. Facebook

How You Imagine You’ll Die: Slow death from a terminal disease, with Facebook friends supporting you as you pass.

What You Imagine You’ll Say: A long note posted to you wall, à la The Last Lecture, giving sage wisdom learned throughout your life.

How You Will Actually Die: Suicide when your lettuce wilts on Farmville

What Your Actually Last Words Will Be: Automated spam request to all followers requesting they help water your lettuce on Farmville.

Truly worth dying over.

3. Skype:

How You Imagine You Will Die: In a hospital room, surrounded by family and your laptop

What You Imagine You’ll Say: You’ll be able to say goodbye to far-away friends and family

What Will Actually Happen: You’ll die of a heart attack while recording web cam sex with Thai tranny hooker

What Your Actually Last Words Will Be: “Yeah, baby, bring out your midget cousin in the leprechaun costume”

You will become more famous in life than death, however.

4. Photosharing Sites

How You Will Imagine You’ll Die: Of old age

What You’ll Imagine You’ll Say: Post a photo of wedding or family reunion, with heartfelt poem on it.

How You Will Actually Die: Killed by cat when you sneak up on him to get reaction shot for IcanHasCheezburger.com macro.

What Your Actually Last Words Will Be: Image of angry cat with: “Must kills hooman for takin pixture”

Mr. Boots does not take being perturbed lightly.

5. Digg

How You Imagine You Will Die: Of a rare tropical disease you read about in a link you found on Digg.

What You Imagine You’ll Say: You’ll Digg a collection of wise, inspiring quotes from the brightest minds of human history.

How You Will Actually Die: Poisoned by knock-off herbal supplement your saw on popular Digg post.

What Your Actually Last Words Will Be: Link to IcanHasCheezburger.com with “LOL, heard guy got killed by his cat after taking this picture”

Snake oil salesmen have Digg accounts too.

Leave a Reply